


Oh, Father Tell Me, Do We Get What We Deserve?

by Vinauer



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Corruption, Depression, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Konoha is a messed up place, Pardon my French but fuck Danzou, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sasuke is just kind of ready to die, Suicidal Thoughts, Team Dynamics, The shinobi system needs to be fixed, Uchiha Sasuke Needs a Hug, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, but not really, dissociative disorder, fuck all the elders, in fact
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:55:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25856248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinauer/pseuds/Vinauer
Summary: Naruto only allowed himself a moment to take in the destruction and instead focused on the six figures a few dozen yards away.  The dude with the mask and the freaky aloe guy were standing next to two people he didn’t know.  They were in black cloaks but they didn’t have red clouds on them, so they weren’t Akatsuki.  A little further away was another one of the black cloak guys and the man he recognized as Itachi’s partner.He let out a breath of relief at seeing them.  If they were still here, then maybe he wasn’t too late.  For once, maybe he could get to Sasuke in time.Or, team Hebi reacts faster when Sasuke and Itachi finish their fight.  The Akatsuki don't get to take Sasuke right away; instead the leaf ninja get there and take him back to the village with Hebi in tow.  This doesn't magically fix everything, but it does change a lot.
Relationships: Aburame Shino & Hyuuga Hinata & Inuzuka Kiba, Akimichi Chouji & Nara Shikamaru & Yamanaka Ino, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sasuke, Hatake Kakashi & Maito Gai | Might Guy, Hatake Kakashi & Uchiha Sasuke, Hoozuki Suigetsu & Juugo & Karin, Hoozuki Suigetsu & Juugo & Karin & Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Neji & Maito Gai | Might Guy & Rock Lee & Tenten, Konoha 12 & Uchiha Sasuke, Nara Shikamaru & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke & Team Hebi | Team Taka, Uchiha Sasuke & Uchiha Itachi (mentioned), Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 91
Kudos: 197





	1. You will not have him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, really excited about this. I've had this idea in my head for forever and I've never seen it done before, so I decided to write it. It's rated T just because the sound ninja curse, and there was nothing I could do about it.  
> I hope you enjoy it!!!
> 
> (Trigger Warning for the beginning just because Sasuke thinks he's about to die and is kind of chill with it. Don't know if that counts as suicidal thoughts, but better safe than sorry. Especially with something like this.)

Sasuke couldn't breathe. 

Itachi was dead, he was alive, and _he couldn't fucking breathe._

It didn't make sense. He couldn't touch Itachi. The Susanoo had been too strong; none of his attacks had even made a dent, so _why_ was Itachi on the ground staring sightlessly up towards the sky. 

_He must have used up all his chakra_ , Sasuke thought. _That's not how I would have preferred for him to die, but I guess pushing him to exhaustion still counts._ Then he paused as the realization struck him. He killed Itachi. He had finally accomplished his goal; he had finally gotten his revenge.

Sasuke got his breathing under control at last and looked down at Itachi. It had started to rain at some point, and he watched as drops landed on his brother’s face. He looked peaceful. The coldness in his eyes that had been ever present since _that_ _night_ had vanished, and the small smile was still present on his face. He looked like he used to, once upon a time. A time when they both smiled freely. A time when Sasuke wasn't burdened by the weight of his loss... by the weight of his hatred. 

The blood from Itachi's fingers ran down Sasuke's face and circled his eye. It came from his forehead where Itachi had poked him, like he always used t- _NO! Don't think of that now._

Sasuke suddenly felt weak; felt cold in a way that had nothing to do with the rain that poured around him. He knew he had used up most of his chakra as well, but it hadn't hit him until that moment. His vision blurred for just a moment as his head spun. Knowing that he would soon succumb to chakra exhaustion, he wondered, slightly detached, if this was it. It would seem a fitting end to the story of the Uchiha clan. He would fall next to the last of his kin, dying in the same manner that every single member of his family had before him: bloodied and broken. 

He was surprised to find that the thought didn't scare him. In fact, he almost felt... relieved. Every time he had faced death before, he was terrified, mostly because he would die without fulfilling his purpose. _His_ Brother would be free to continue destroying people’s lives. _His_ brother free to continue ripping families apart. _His_ brother, free to terrorize the world unchecked... but Itachi was dead and Sasuke was tired. He no longer had any responsibilities in this world. Here he stood at the end of road he'd chosen, able to lay his burdens down at last and embrace the freedom of death. Now that his family was avenged, he was finally worthy of that freedom. He would finally be able to face his parents in the afterlife. At that though, a small smile formed on his lips. He would be able to see them again. Mother, Father, Shisui, Aunt, Uncle, Izumi... _everyone_.

He slowly fell by his brother's side, smile still attached. As he slipped into blissful rest, his last though, whispered by the part of his soul kept tightly locked away, was: _I wonder if Nii-san will be there too..._

* * *

Karin knew the second that it was over. She could sense from their position, approximately five miles away from the battle, the exact moment that Itachi's chakra vanished. It was not the sudden disappearance that would mark a transportation jutsu, either. Although, the drop of chakra as someone teleported out of her rather impressive range did, admittedly, feel almost indistinguishable from a quick death. For example, say, a slit throat. However, Itachi's chakra disappeared slowly; it weakened and weakened until it was simply gone entirely. That would rule out both a transportation jutsu and a quick death, but it was death all the same. Which means: Sasuke won.

A small sigh almost left her lips at the overwhelming relief she felt at knowing he was safe. Then she realized how weak Sasuke's own chakra felt. Sure enough, a moment later she felt him slip into unconsciousness. It wasn't something Karin would be able to discern when sensing most people's chakra, but she was so attuned to Sasuke's that the small shift was unmistakable. Her concern came back instantly and a sharp panic took hold as she realized that it was weakening even further. She didn't know what injuries he had but she didn't want to think about what would happen if he didn't get medical attention soon. They needed to leave NOW.

She turned to where Suigetsu was currently "fighting" Itachi's partner. It was really just a repeating cycle of them exchanging a few blows with their oversized swords and then pausing. Suigetsu would get frustrated that he couldn't land a solid hit, hurl insults at the much more experienced swordsman, get even angrier when it was met with only an amused smirk and the occasional derogatory comeback, and then charge in for another quick round of attacks. This had been going on for the entirety of Sasuke and Itachi's fight. The only time they had stopped was when Sasuke had... done... _something_ with his lightning release. Honestly, Karin had no idea what had actually happened. Sasuke's chakra had spiked right as a storm cloud gathered over the area long enough for one bolt of lightning, so large that it was impossible for it to be natural, to strike directly over the area where the brothers were battling. The impact was great enough for the ground to shake all the way out where they were. Even Suigetsu and Kisame had stopped to stare. 

That little stunt was most likely a large factor in why Sasuke's chakra was so depleted. Not the only factor, of course, since he did just fight _Itachi fucking Uchiha_. They needed to get to him fast.

"Suigetsu! Juugo! The fight just stopped; Itachi is dead which means Sasuke won, but it looks like he's down too. I think he might be seriously injured!" She said with no small amount of concern. "That means you need to stop this little pissing contest, Suigetsu! We need to hurry."

All three of the men had turned to look at her in surprise. Suigetsu was the first to recover once her words registered, and he pointed at her angrily with his free hand. "HEY! Karin, what the hell, you bitch. THIS IS A SERIOUS FIGHT!" He leveled his sword at Kisame. "I've been wanting to kill this bastard and take his damn sword for a long time now." Her attention was briefly caught by Kisame who had his eyes closed and his head tilted slightly in the direction of the battle, but she quickly turned back to Suigetsu with a comeback ready on her lips.

Juugo, ever the voice of reason, stepped in neatly to diffuse the situation. "Enough. Karin, you said Sasuke was down, but he is alive, correct?"

"Yes, but I can't tell how bad his injuries are."

"Right, then we need to get to his position."

"Yeah..." Suigetsu mumbled. "Wouldn't want that bastard to die on us."

"Well, it seems that what you're saying is true, girl." They all turned to look at the momentarily forgotten Akatsuki member. His eyes were open again and Karin realized he had probably been searching for Itachi’s chakra signature. 

Juugo stepped towards him, his face remained calm but his eyes were hard. "Don't try and stop us. The fight is over. You don't have any reason to keep us here." 

Kisame just grinned and hoisted his sword up to rest on his shoulder. "You're right, I don't. In fact, I was planning on accompanying you to the sight. I need to retrieve Itachi's body." Karin saw his smile falter for just the barest breath of a moment in which he almost looked... sad, but it was gone in an instant, replaced by the usual arrogant smirk. 

Karin didn't have the patience to sit here and argue when Sasuke might be dying, so she turned away and started moving in the right direction with a quick, "Fine, just stay out of our way." sent over her shoulder. And with that she ran as fast as she could towards their destination, sensing the others do the same behind her. 

She wasn’t prepared for the state in which they would find the Uchiha hideout. 

She burst from the trees, extremely careful to avoid the black flames she knew to be Itachi’s, and froze as she gazed across a field of pure destruction. She felt the others freeze as well, likely in similar states of shock. Sasuke had described the place as a huge structure with magnificent walls and spires, but nothing was left. It had been completely reduced to rubble, and from the sheer amount of concrete strewn about the ground, Sasuke had not been lying about the size of the building.

Large slabs of concrete were haphazardly piled atop one another, jutting up at random intervals. She thinks she now understands the force that caused the earth to shake slightly better. Just slightly, though. It was raining, as well, which gave the entire area a dark and eerie sense. She surveyed the wreckage again and could only see one wall still standing at all. It was probably less than ten feet tall, but the Uchiha family crest was emblazoned boldly on its surface and just below it lay two bodies. 

Karin gasped and took two steps towards them before she stopped. A man had come out of a spiraling vortex and, although she couldn’t see his face behind his mask, his cloak was unmistakable. He stood about five feet in front of her, right between her and Sasuke. She growled and all but spat the word: “Akatsuki.” 

However, before she could tell him to get the _fuck_ _out of her way_. He raised his hands in a placating gesture and chuckled softly. “Peace. I mean you no harm; I’m here for Sasuke.”

His deep rolling voice set her nerves even more on edge, but it was Suigetsu who stepped up next. “Well, sorry to disappoint you, you fucking lollipop, but we’re not letting you anywhere near Sasuke.”

He chuckled again. “I think you misunderstand.” The man exuded a dangerous aura that sent all her instincts screaming. “I am not here to harm him. In fact, quite the opposite; I’m here to make sure he receives proper medical attention and get him away from those chasing him.”

Karin stared at him in disbelief, but Suigetsu put his hand on his hip and laughed. “So, wait. You expect us to believe that you’re here to help. And what will you do when he’s better, give him a pat on the head and a ‘good job’ for killing one of your best men?”

The man cocked his head and crossed his arms. “More or less. As you so politely pointed out, the Akatsuki is now down one sharingan user. Sasuke is obviously strong, and I think he would make a nice addition to the team. The three of you would be invited as well, of course, since you’re obviously loyal to him.”

All four of them stared at him in shock. Karin almost thought he was joking, but his voice was completely serious. “YOU’RE GOING TO LET HIM JOIN?” She turned to see Kisame striding towards the masked man until he stood directly in front of him. “When he _killed_ Itachi?”

The man’s voice was completely calm as he answered. “Yes. Be logical. Itachi was a powerful player; we need to replace him and this is our best course of action right now, so Stand. Down.”

A tense second passed, and Kisame growled, but he eventually stood aside. Then his anger was wiped from his face and indifference took its place. “Fine, let the damn brat join,” he said with just a hint of bitterness. 

The masked man turned his attention back to them and gestured behind him as he said, “Now, let us not keep Sasuke waiting. We need to get him away from this place before the Leaf ninja show up.”

Juugo stepped forward and fell into a defensive stance, Karin and Suigetsu followed his lead. “We already told you, you’re not going anywhere near Sasuke,” he growled out.

The man sighed but didn’t uncross his arms or move from his spot. “You’re determined to not make this easy, aren’t you?”

“As a general rule,” Suigetsu was grinning now. “I try to never make anything easy.” Then he charged.

He moved quickly and swung for the man’s head, but his blade was intercepted by Kisame, who had his trademark smirk back on his face. He didn’t take his eyes of Suigetsu as he said, “Leave this one to me.” He pushed against their joined blades and sent Suigetsu flying to the side before he quickly followed.

Karin turned her attention back to the masked man, who still hadn’t moved an inch. Juugo whispered, low enough for only her to hear, “Get to Sasuke; I’ll distract him,” before charging in, as well. She didn’t hesitate to sprint in a path that would take her around the fight and towards Sasuke. 

As she ran, Karin glanced quickly at Juugo who had reached the man and was swinging his arm, which had grown and taken on an ashy brown coloration. The moment she was distracted, she felt a new chakra signature appear directly in front of her. Karin’s instincts kicked in and she threw herself to the ground without even looking to see who it was. Her training and her sensing abilities were the only thing that saved her from the paper white hand that passed just over her head.

The wet ground allowed her to slide on her knees for a few feet before she pulled herself up and around to face her attacker. She saw no one, sensed no one. Karin looked around for a moment before she sensed the chakra coming from behind. She jerked her body to the side just in time to dodge that same hand. She spun, taking a kunai in hand, ready to plunge it into the attacker’s side. Again, no one was there. They had disappeared along with their chakra, for the second time. 

Karin let out a sound of frustration and panic before forcing herself to take a calming breathe. Then, she stood up straight and closed her eyes. She focused on the chakra around her. She felt the others fighting but ignored them in favor of looking deeper. She had never been able to draw it into herself, but she could still feel the nature energy around her if she concentrated. It couldn’t be felt by most ordinary sensors, but Karin has never been ordinary when it came to this particular ability. Nature energy was simply another form of chakra, one that was emanated by everything around her, sure, but if it was chakra, she could sense it.

It streamed from the plants on the edge of the wreckage, from the animals nearby, from the rain that continued to fall, from the wind that blew across her wet cloak, and even from the very earth itself. In an instant, Karin allowed the information to pour into her brain and form a perfect image of the surrounding battlefield. An image made out of the moving chakra that flowed around her.

When Karin first discovered this skill, she couldn’t make out anything in the information overload and had ended up with a migraine so bad she couldn’t function for days. But it was the perfect skill to keep track of all the prisoners Orochimaru had left in her care, so she spent countless hours training to use it effectively. Now she could locate everything around, with perfect clarity, in a matter of seconds.

At sixty-seven degrees, a hundred and three feet away, Suigetsu rushed in for another attack. At eighty-four degrees, fifty-one feet away, Juugo slammed into a large slab of concrete. At a hundred and ninety-seven degrees, sixteen feet away, an ant crawled through the cracks of the decimated building and drowned in the water. At two hundred and seventy-three degrees, eighty-nine feet away, a small piece of rock failed to hold up a large wedge and it toppled to the ground. At the origin, six feet below, a worm continued to make its tunnel. 

A thousand other things materialized in her mind as well, but it only took a moment to find what she was looking for. It was the easiest thing in the world; their chakra was so distinctly _wrong_. At three hundred and thirty-two degrees, two feet below the surface and closing fast, was her target. She ignored the uneasy feeling their chakra invoked and spun around, launched the kunai directly at where they were immerging, opening her eyes as she did so. She froze.

Karin came face to face with a monster.

The… _thing_ had what looked like a giant Venus flytrap surrounding its body, and it was loosely wrapped in an Akatsuki cloak. The tip of her kunai had embedded itself in the plant. She watched as the two halves separated to reveal the face of the creature. One half was bleach white and had a sadistic grin stretched across its face. The other half was completely black, with no discernable features other than its golden eye. 

Karin quickly snapped out of her shock and put a few feet of distance between them, pulling out another kunai as she did. For the first time, she was grateful that all the experiments Orochimaru had kept made her accustomed to strange, and slightly horrifying, sights.

It chuckled as it reached up to pull the knife from the plant like shield. The voice that came out was light as it spoke, “Not bad. Most shinobi can’t sense me at all, let alone accurately enough to hit me with a kunai. But, then again, I usually don’t let anyone engage a fight at all. I’m not much for the front lines, you see.” He smiled even wider.

“Then why did you start one with me?”

He cocked his head. “To distract you of course. But now I’m curious. You’re the first person to know where I’ll come up. Let’s see if it was a fluke.” He raised the kunai she had thrown with a little smug wave. “It will be a lot more fun now that I have a knife.” Then he sunk down into the ground.

Karin cursed and closed her eyes again, forming the chakra image in her mind. She found him at one hundred and eighty degrees, but he stopped ten feet away. She turned, opening her eyes, and was met with a kunai flying directly at her chest. She gasped and dodged to the side. 

The “man” had already disappeared from his previous spot, reappeared to grab the kunai from where it landed, and was gone again. Karin closed her eyes and searched, only to feel him once again stop a fair distance away and throw that same kunai, forcing her to dodge. 

The cycle repeated over and over, forcing her further away from Sasuke. However, she didn’t realize until it was too late that the plant creep was also leading her towards where Juugo and the masked man were fighting. She had allowed too much of her attention to be focused on the knife-wielding freak in front of her. She didn’t sense the masked man approaching until he was just a few feet away. 

Karin cursed and turned around to face him, but he was much faster than she was expecting and his fist slammed into her mid-section, sending her flying. She crashed into Juugo, who only barely managed to catch her. Karin groaned and lifted a hand to her ribs. Luckily, she could feel that nothing was broken, or even cracked for that matter, but it hurt like hell. Still, she pushed the pain aside to look up at Juugo. He was incredibly battered and winded, but he didn’t look seriously injured. Then she saw his face, and her heart froze.

A clay brown color had spread over the left side of his face, stopping mid-way over his left cheek and at the corner of his eye. Both eyes were, thankfully, still the same beautiful red, but the left was tinted in gold and the sclera was darker than normal. There was also a hunger in them that did not fit his normally peaceful disposition. _Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!_ She thought with dawning terror. _Not now, PLEASE not now._

However, she could tell that something was different this time. His teeth were clenched and his lips were pulled back in a snarl, not a psychopathic smile. Also, while his eyes were hungry, they didn’t show the overwhelming bloodlust that would usually be there when he got in this state. _He’s still in control,_ she realized, _at least for now._ She would have collapsed with relief if he hadn’t still been holding her.

He kept his gaze firmly fixed on the masked man as he set her down on the ground and spoke softly, “I’m sorry, I can’t land a single hit. Everything literally goes straight through him. I’m getting frustra-” 

“I’m going to give you one last warning,” the masked man interrupted from where he stood next to the flytrap (who was still halfway submerged in the ground). “I’ve refrained from using lethal force because I don’t think Sasuke would take kindly to me if I killed his team. But I’m quickly running out of patience. Stop fighting.”

Karin opened her mouth to respond, but stopped when the ground suddenly began to shake. She watched a nearby puddle as the water rippled from the force of both the rain and the small earthquake. Everyone, including Suigetsu and Kisame she noted, stopped to look at the forest which seemed to be the origin of the tremors. They all watched as the rock underneath the trees burning with black flames lifted and separated to make a small canyon, and out of that canyon poured eight people, all in white cloaks.

Karin’s eye caught on their head bands. They were from the leaf. However, her attention was snapped back to the masked man when he sighed. “It looks like Sasuke and I will have to delay our conversation.” Then he turned to where Suigetsu had been fighting. “Kisame, you’ll be travelling with me.” He said before he shunshined to appear beside him.

It looked like Kisame grumbled something, but she couldn’t hear what. The masked man turned back to them and said, “This is goodbye for now.” And left in the same way he appeared. A spiral vortex warped around him and sucked both him and Kisame into its center. 

She turned to the last remaining Akatsuki member. Half of his face smiled and he gave a little wave and a “Bye-bye” before he sunk into the ground and disappeared, as well. All three of them were simply gone, leaving Hebi to face the quickly approaching leaf ninja. 

* * *

Naruto burst from the path Yamato had made through the trees. The trees that Itachi had, for SOME reason, decided to set on fire. Rain started to pour over him and he was incredibly thankful for the cloaks that granny had given them. He came to a complete stop when he saw the building in front of him… or, at least, what used to be a building; not much was left. He heard a few of the others gasp from behind him.

He only allowed himself a moment to take in the destruction and instead focused on the six figures a few dozen yards away. The dude with the mask and the freaky aloe guy were standing next to two people he didn’t know. They were in black cloaks but they didn’t have red clouds on them, so they weren’t Akatsuki. A little further away was another one of the black cloak guys and the man he recognized as Itachi’s partner. 

He let out a breath of relief at seeing them. If they were still here, then maybe he wasn’t too late. For once, maybe he could get to Sasuke in time. _Please, just let me reach him._ He didn’t truly know who he was praying to, just that he couldn’t handle the thought of failing again. 

Naruto didn’t waste any more time before he started running towards them. He vaguely registered Kakashi yelling at him to wait, but he didn’t care; he knew they were following. As he approached, he watched the three Akatsuki members retreat. The three people in the black cloaks didn’t leave, however, and the one with white hair, who was fighting Itachi’s partner, rushed over to join the two crouched on the ground. The fact that they didn’t go with the Akatsuki was proof enough for him that they weren’t affiliated. That meant they were probably with Sasuke.

He closed the distance quickly and stopped about ten feet away. He finally recognized them from the brief moment his shadow clone came into contact with Sasuke, confirming his theory. He looked at each of them in turn. There was the red-haired woman with glasses who hovered next to the guy with orange hair, one hand placed comfortingly on his back. The guy himself was enormous. Even crouched on the ground, Naruto could tell that he was easily one of the biggest guys he’d ever seen. He was breathing hard and visibly shaking, and half of his face looked to be discolored but he couldn’t be sure in the dim lighting the storm clouds provided. That brought him to the one with white hair. He stood a little in front of the other two, almost protectively. He was glaring at Naruto and swung over his shoulder was… _Zabuza’s sword!_

Naruto started at seeing it and felt a slight pain pass over his heart at the memory of the man who once carried it. But he didn’t focus on it long; he only had one goal here, and he couldn’t waste time going down memory lane. The others had caught up by that point so, never one to beat around the bush, he all but blurted, “Where’s Sasuke?”

White hair snorted and leveled him with an even darker glare, “Look, like we already told those Akatsuki bastards, you’re not getting Sasuke, so just back off.” Under his breath, he added: “I swear, why is that damn asshole so popular all of a sudden?”

Naruto felt himself get inexplicably angry at that; all his frustration finally boiling over. Who was this guy, with his stupid pointed teeth, to tell him he couldn’t see Sasuke? He balled his fists and took a few steps forwards. Before he could go too far, he felt Kakashi put a restraining hand on his shoulder. Then, in a calm yet threatening voice, he said, “We don’t want this to come to a fight if it doesn’t have to. You’re members of Sasuke’s team, right?” At their nod, he continued. “Right. So, we all want the same thing here: To make sure Sasuke’s okay. We aren’t enemies.”

White hair looked ready to dismiss Kakashi outright, but the red-haired woman spoke first. She had moved to stand up straight, though she kept her hand on the big guy’s back. “Suigetsu, we can’t fight all eight of them, and even if we could, I don’t think it would be the wisest decision right now.” She glanced down at orange hair meaningfully and an understanding passed between them. Then she turned to address them. “You were on Sasuke’s old team. You truly care about him?”

Naruto straightened up and looked at her with an intensity that burned. “Yes.” He said with all the sincerity he could muster.

She stared at him for a moment while she bit her lip. Finally, she sighed and said, “Alright.” She turned to the man next to her and softly asked, “Juugo, are you...?”

He had gotten his breathing somewhat under control and had stopped shaking. “Yeah,” He breathed. “I’ll be fine, I have a handle on it. Let’s get to Sasuke.” She helped him to his feet and, with one last nod sent their way, took off in the direction he presumed Sasuke to be. None of them hesitated to follow.

After about three yards, he finally saw where they were headed. Two bodies lay beneath a small wall with the Uchiha symbol on it; both of them were still, unmoving. Ice cold terror gripped his heart at the sight, as the words that the plant guy had said echoed through his mind: I think he was hurt pretty bad; I think he was hurt pretty bad; I THINK HE WAS HURT PRETTY BAD; ITHINKHEWASHURTPRETTYBAD. 

_No, no, no, no, NO!!!_ He couldn’t be… He can’t DIE! Not when Naruto was so close. He knew the others had seen it when Sakura gasped. They all collectively sped up. 

After what felt like an eternity, Naruto came to a stop two feet away from him. He stared down at Sasuke’s face. He looked more peaceful than Naruto could ever remember seeing him. At that moment, the world stopped. He couldn’t feel the rain beating down around him, he couldn’t see Itachi’s corpse laying three feet away, and he didn’t notice when he sunk to his knees next to his best friend.

He did distantly pick up on the telltale sounds of arguing, however, before Sakura’s voice finally cut through his haze. “I am a personal student of Tsunade Senju! If you’re a medical ninja, you should know what that means!” A moment later she knelt next to him and extended her hands over their long-lost teammate. Her hands began to glow a soothing green.

He watched her work for a few minutes. He heard Kakashi set up a perimeter around them, something about watching for the Akatsuki, in case they came back. He knew the red-haired woman was seated on the other side of Sakura, watching her work intently, but his eyes never once left her hands as they glided over Sasuke’s bare chest. Naruto felt so helpless. Right then, he wished more than anything that he knew medical ninjutsu. He couldn’t stand just sitting there, but he also couldn’t do anything to help, either. In all honesty, even if he was a medic, he would still let Sakura heal Sasuke. She was the best medical nin he knew, probably second only to granny Tsunade herself. He trusted her completely. He still hated how useless he felt.

After a few more minutes, Naruto shifted his gaze back up to his friend’s face. There was blood smeared over his forehead and left cheek; it had been partially washed away by the rain, but some still remained. He felt oddly detached as he reached up to wipe the rest away. Surprisingly, none of the blood he cleaned off revealed a cut, so where did the blood come from?

Naruto pushed the thought aside, since it didn’t really matter. He focused on Sasuke’s face, instead. In some ways he looked the exact same. He had the same spiky hair and long bangs, and he had the same sharp features. Except, now they were just a little sharper and he looked just a little older than Naruto was used to. It made his chest constrict painfully to think about how much time had passed; it had been almost _three years_. Finally, he couldn’t stand the uncertainty any longer. He was so terrified to know the answer, but he _needed_ to ask the question. Without taking his eyes off Sasuke, he said, “Sakura…” and that was as far as he got before his voice failed him.

Thankfully, she knew him well enough to not actually have to hear the rest. “He’ll live.” He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as his entire body shook with relief. She continued to talk. “He’s got a dislocated shoulder, a few broken ribs, a lot of bruises, and his chakra levels are critically low, but…” He looked up at her when she paused. Sakura was looking at him with a smile so bright that it practically radiated relief and happiness; her eyes were shining with tears. “He’s going to be okay.”

At that, he returned a smile just as bright and nodded, then turned to once again stare at Sasuke. He hadn’t failed, this time. He had actually reached him. _I finally have him back…_ At last, he let his own tears fall to join the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is my first FanFic EVER! I would love to hear any feedback you guys have for me, please feel free to leave a comment. I hope that everything came across as clear, I'm kind of worried I got too descriptive in some areas though, so let me know if I need to use less words in some areas. I also altered my writing style slightly for each character accordingly. For example, Naruto used more Nicknames than Karin (and Sasuke was just all around more dramatic).
> 
> A few things about the story:
> 
> I'm not a huge romantic, so I haven't decided if I'm going to add romantic ships or not. If I do, fair warning, they will probably just be the Cannon couples, with a few exceptions. But idk, if you guys have suggestions, I'd love to hear your input. Romance will also be in the background, if I have it; it will never be the main focus. However, no matter what I decide there will still be crushes.
> 
> Speaking of crushes, Karin's crush on Sasuke will be a little different than in Cannon. Mostly, she won't be constantly clinging to him and trying to sleep with him ALL THE TIME. It just made me, personally, really uncomfortable in the show, and I'm just not doing it. (Other than that their relationship will be the same because I like everything else).
> 
> As for Karin's abilities, I thought they were seriously under utilized in the show when they had a lot of cool possibilities. But just in case I didn't make it clear, Karin does NOT have sage mode. She just uses the nature energy kind of like Toph uses earthbending to see in Avatar the Last Airbender. (If you haven't seen Avatar, please go watch it. You will thank me later.)  
> Karin's decision to let the leaf help but not the akatsuki was based on a few things. The most important is that she could tell that the Naruto and the rest actually cared about Sasuke instead of just needing to use him for their own goals, like "the masked man". She also didn't want to fight them because it would be 8 against 3, and she was terrified of Juugo losing control. Finally, she didn't want to waste any more time when Sasuke needed medical attention.
> 
> Also, Naruto you poor baby. He is going to be so surprised when Sasuke wakes up only to not immediately become the person he was three years ago and fall perfectly in line with the village, lol. You don't really have YOUR Sasuke back you sweet, sweet summer child.
> 
> The arguing that Naruto heard was Karin and Sakura over who would heal Sasuke. Karin eventually relented to Sakura since she's the better medic and had been trained by Tsunade.
> 
> Yeah... I think that's all I had to say, can't remember now, oh well. If you liked it please leave a comment or a kudos.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!!!


	2. I'll be home, safe and tucked away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this!!! And special thanks to all those who have liked and commented on this work!!! Your feedback is sooo appreciated!!!
> 
> Yes, the chapter title is from a Mumford & Sons song

Juugo watched as the girl with pink hair healed Sasuke. He and Suigetsu stood just to the side of where his friend lay. They stood silently next to one another, yet he could tell Suigetsu was watching as intensely as he was. He stood casually with one hand holding the sword resting on his shoulder and the other on his hip, but his back was tense and his eyes didn’t waver for a second. 

Karin’s face was mostly concealed due to the angle but he could imagine the look of worry on her face. Juugo was more than slightly surprised that she had let the pink haired medic heal Sasuke instead of herself. Although, she seemed to know what she was doing. The medic’s hands never faltered once. 

Then there was the other boy sitting next to her. Juugo didn’t quite know what to think of him. Obviously, he considered Sasuke a friend. He had flat out told them that he cared for him. His face was serious when he said it and, honestly, Juugo didn’t know if he should be concerned about the intensity he saw there or not. Either way, he understood why Karin had chosen to trust them where she hadn’t trusted the Akatsuki. It was actually extremely fortunate that the Leaf ninja had come when they did, and that they had collectively decided against fighting. Juugo didn’t know how much longer he would have been able to hold his bloodthirsty side back. 

After another minute of healing, the medic told the blond boy that Sasuke would survive. Juugo let his shoulders slump slightly in relief, and saw Suigetsu do the same form the corner of his eye.

Now that he new Sasuke’s condition, he let his eyes wander to the rest of the ninja around them. They had formed a perimeter around where the brothers lay, at the command of the grey-haired shinobi. However, after initiating the order, he had begun to work on sealing Itachi’s body in a scroll. It was most likely so that he could be transported easily back to the Konoha. Juugo didn’t like that.

Truthfully, Juugo didn’t want either brother to be taken back to that village, especially since Sasuke was considered a missing nin. The problem was that Hebi was outnumbered. On top of that, they had already been forced to fight minutes prior. This didn’t truly matter where the other two were concerned (it didn’t look as if it had been very taxing on either of them), but Juugo didn’t know how well he would be able to contain himself. He could hear the intruding thoughts in the back of his mind; they were still excited from the last fight. 

That didn’t leave them with many options other than to bargain and bluff. “Suigetsu.” He made sure to keep his voice low. “Please, follow my lead.” Suigetsu look at him quizzically for a moment but gave a small nod of his head. Juugo nodded back and hoped that Karin would trust him as well. She was smart, so he hoped she’d catch on quick. 

Juugo turned his attention back to the grey-haired man in charge and took a step forward before addressing him. “I think we should talk about what happens now.”

He felt everyone’s attention suddenly shift to focus on him, but he didn’t take his eyes off the man in front of him. They stared at each other for a few seconds. Juugo couldn’t read him with the mask on but slowly, he said, “okay…” Then he straightened up to face Juugo fully. “Now, we take Sasuke back to the leaf village. There he will be able to heal, and Sakura, Naruto, and I will plead with the Hokage to reinstate him as a shinobi of the leaf.” He spoke with a commanding certainty; it was the type of tone that didn’t expect to be disobeyed.

Juugo would anyway. “And we’re supposed to just let you take him. If I remember correctly, Sasuke left Konoha of his own free will.”

This apparently displeased the blond. He stood up fast, anger gleaming in his eye. “He left because that bastard Orochimaru tricked him!”

Suigetsu stepped forward to place a hand on Juugo’s shoulder and huffed a laugh. “Is that why Sasuke’s here and Orochimaru is dead?”

The blond glared harder. “No! Sasuke probably just finally realized what a creep that guy was!”

Now Suigetsu gave a real laugh. “Hate to break it to you kid, but Sasuke’s hated Orochimaru for as long as I’ve known the guy.”

“Naruto, enough.” The grey-haired man said before the blond- Naruto -could continue. “The fact remains that he’s coming home. We don’t want to fight, but if it comes to that, we won’t hold back.”

Juugo mentally prepared himself for what he needed to say next. “We won’t hold back either. We may have fewer numbers but let me assure you that Sasuke hand picked each one of us. Even if we end up being defeated, I’d wager that we would be able to take a few of you out before we fell. Are you willing to take that chance?” It wasn’t a total bluff, but Juugo would unquestionably hold himself back as much as he could. Besides, Sasuke _had_ ordered them not to kill anyone.

The man stared at him before replying, “It doesn’t matter if I’m willing to take the chance or not, if we can’t come to an agreement.”

“Would you even be willing to make a deal?”

A beat. “Depends on what you want.”

Juugo made a show of thinking about it, but this was exactly the opportunity he had been looking for. He prayed this wasn’t going to be a huge mistake. “We’ll allow you to take him back on two conditions: one, you bring us, as well. We won’t leave him.” He looked at Suigetsu and Karin, and they both nodded. “And, two, you give us the scroll containing Itachi’s body.”

The man had been nodding along but stilled at the last part. He narrowed his visible eye and asked, “Why?”

“Sasuke should be the one who decides what to do with him. I’ll hold onto it for now, and when Sasuke wakes up, I’ll give it to him.”

The man stared for so long that it made Juugo slightly uncomfortable. However, he slowly replied, “Itachi is a missing nin and his remains should be presented to the Hokage… but I agree with you. Sasuke should decide.” He looked at each of his men as if daring one of them to challenge him. No one did, so he turned back to face Juugo. “I agree to your terms.”

They stepped towards each other and shook hands. Then, the man pulled the scroll from his pouch and handed it to Juugo. However, when he went to grab it, he said softly, “If I find out you didn’t give it to him, I’ll hunt you down myself.” Juugo nodded. When they separated, he said a little louder, “We should move out. Sakura, is he ready to be moved?”

“Yes, Sensei!” He looked back to see that Sasuke’s chest and shoulder had been wrapped in gauze. “It would be best to get out of the rain. I don’t want the bandages to get too wet.”

Suigetsu threw his cloak at her. “There. The spoiled asshole can use that. I like the rain anyway.” She looked startled but quickly recovered. She nodded and put the garment on Sasuke.

Juugo walked over and kneeled with his back to Karin, Sakura, and Naruto. “Put him on my back. I’ll carry him.”

He heard Naruto begin to say, “No! I can-”, then a light thunk, and finally a small “owe”. 

The next thing he knew, Sasuke’s weight was being settled across his back. His arms hung limply down Juugo’s chest, head resting on his right shoulder. Juugo reached behind him to hook his arms under Sasuke’s legs (and Suigetsu’s cloak) and stood up. “Lead the way.”

Juugo had never been to the leaf village personally, but he had been told it was about a day’s journey from the Uchiha hideout. Unfortunately, they were travelling at a slower pace due to Sasuke’s current state. It wasn’t that he was particularly heavy, or that Juugo had difficulty carrying him at a fast pace, but he didn’t want to jostle his injuries more than necessary.

That meant they would get there tomorrow evening instead of the afternoon.

Once the sun had set, the captain of the mission- whose name he’d learned was Kakashi -called for them to set up camp for the night. Everyone set down on the forest floor. Naruto started to complain about having to stop for the night. It had been mostly quiet on the journey so far, with the only talking being reports to Kakashi and Naruto occasionally complaining, then arguing with Sakura. 

“Naruto, be quiet. We all want to get back, but it’s been a long day.”

And… there it was. 

After her comment, Sakura started to set up a roll on the ground. Then she beckoned Juugo over. “Bring him here.” He nodded and strolled forward. With both Sakura and Karin’s help, they were able to situate a still unconscious Sasuke on the makeshift bed. Sakura started to check his injuries, again. 

“How long do think it will be before he wakes up?” He asked.

She looked up briefly. “I’ve healed most of his injuries, but the chakra exhaustion should keep him out for at least another day.”

He nodded in response. Once he looked up, he noticed that almost everyone had listened to the little exchange. No one said anything more, however; they just continued to set up camp. 

Dinner was almost entirely silent, everyone absorbed in their own thoughts. Naruto and the boy with the dog attempted to start conversation multiple times, but the tense atmosphere always stifled it. However, he did notice how each person in the circle would occasionally glance at Sasuke, who was only a few feet away. Naruto outright stared, as he had most of the day. 

After everyone had finished, Kakashi set up a watch rotation for the night. He left Hebi out, but that was to be expected; the two groups still didn’t trust each other. After he was done, the leaf ninja settled onto their mats, all except for Kiba (at least, that’s what Juugo thought his name was), and Akamaru (one of the first names he made sure to learn) who sat next to him. 

Karin organized their own rotation; Juugo had the first watch. He settled against the tree closest to Sasuke for his shift, a bird landed on his shoulder and he petted it gently. Suigetsu and Karin settled a few feet away. He prepared himself for a long nigh of trying not to think about what’s going to happen when they get to Konoha.

Two hours into his shift, Akamaru got up and padded over to him. Juugo smiled and lifted his hand for the dog to smell. Akamaru looked at the hand for a moment, up at his face and the squirrel and four birds on his shoulders, sniffed for a few seconds, then rubbed his head into Juugo’s hand. When He started to pet him, the dog laid down. The good boy even rested his head on Juugo’s lap. He continued to pet him. 

A few minutes later, Kiba walked over to sit closer to them. He spoke quietly, so as to not wake the others. “Akimaru likes you.” Juugo grunted. “Well, I trust his judge of character, so now I _have_ to ask. How did someone so clearly gentle end up with Orochimaru?”

Juugo took a moment to decide how to respond. In the end, he decided on the truth. “My abilities are, well… difficult to control. After a few bad _accidents_ , I locked myself away. I saw it as my only option.” He glanced up to see a surprised expression and continued talking. “A few years later, one of Orochimaru’s men found me. He became a great friend. Eventually, he convinced me that Orochimaru could help, so I went with him.” He took a deep breath. “Orochimaru made me an experiment. Honestly, I was fine with it at first because I thought I was getting better. But after my friend died, I lost myself and had even less control than before.”

Kiba’s face paled at his explanation. “So… you’re not… going to lose control right now, right?”

“No.” Juugo smiled softly and turned a fond gaze on Sasuke. “The sharingan can completely subdue it. After he killed Orochimaru, he formed a team to track Itachi, and he chose the three of us. He came to where I was being kept and proved that he could control my powers. Because of him, I’m able to walk truly free for the first time in _years_. I would follow him anywhere.”

Kiba was quite for a few minutes before he responded. “Are the other two as loyal to him as you are?”

“Neither of them would admit it, but yes. Suigetsu was imprisoned and experimented on, just as I was. Only, he didn’t go willingly. Karin wasn’t technically a prisoner, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t trapped. Sasuke freed all of us, and many more, when he killed Orochimaru.”

They sat in a reflective salience for a moment before Kiba laughed softly. Juugo glanced at him. “Huh, you know, I grew up with Sasuke. Personally, I never really liked him, and I never bothered to get to know him, either. I always thought he was an asshole. Still, I have to hand it to him, he knows how to inspire loyalty.” He followed Kiba’s gaze to where Naruto and Sakura slept. Their mats were spread out close to Sasuke’s side.

Juugo nodded and let his own gaze wander to Karin and Suigetsu. They fell into silence for the rest of their shift, but it was no longer tense and awkward. Instead, it was companionable. 

A few hours later, after waking Karin up for her watch, Juugo fell asleep in a much better mood that when he had started his shift. 

They rose early the next morning, packing up quickly to get back on the road. The only stop the group made the entire day was to eat lunch. Just as mid-evening approached, they reached Konoha’s gate. Juugo’s anxiety grew with each step. He saw the same apprehension in Suigetsu and Karin’s eyes.

As soon as they passed the gate, his suspicions were confirmed. 

A large group met them just inside. Three medical nin approached immediately to take Sasuke off his back and put him on a stretcher for transport to a hospital. Naruto and Sakura headed with them. Unfortunately, about ten anbu stepped in to arrest Hebi before they could follow, as well. 

All three of them tried to protest, but there weren’t many options other than to cooperate. He hoped Suigetsu understood that and didn’t try to murder any of them. Juugo was angry, of course, and that’s precisely why it was too dangerous for him fight. Especially in a village. 

Kakashi looked disappointed but not surprised, which angered Juugo further. Kiba, for his part, looked slightly horrified. So did the girl with the lavender eyes, he noted.

Suigetsu and Karin both cursed the entire way, but Juugo just resigned himself to his fate as they were dragged off.

* * *

Tsunade tapped her nail on her desk, as she stared at the team she had sent to capture Itachi. They had come back with Sasuke. Coincidentally, Naruto and Sakura were both currently absent.

“Report.” She barked.

She knew the basic situation from Pakkun, who had been sent ahead, but Kakashi immediately stepped forward to give her a detailed account of everything that had happened.

There was a lot. 

She could feel the beginnings of a headache coming on when he finally stopped talking. Technically, the mission had gone better than she could have hoped. Two Akatsuki members were dead, and Sasuke Uchiha was back in the village. She could only imagine how happy Sakura and Naruto were. 

The problem was: she had no idea what to do with him now. She had indulged Naruto’s fantasies about bringing his friend back, but she hadn’t expected them to actually succeed. She had only contemplated the idea of his return in passing thoughts. On one hand, Naruto and Sakura would be devastated if she didn’t reinstate him. That didn’t change the fact that the idea disgusted her.

On the other hand, Sasuke Uchiha had abandoned both his oaths to his village and his teammates. He chose to go to Orochimaru and had followed him for two and a half _years_. From what she could tell, the boy only cared about power. Not to mention what he had done to Naruto at the valley of the end. Just the thought of his injuries made her blood boil.

The overwhelming desire for power, the abandonment of his oaths, the complete disregard for all those he once claimed to care about… she had seen it before. She _hated_ that she had seen it before, especially for her kids. They didn’t deserve to go through what she did.

“Um, ma’am…” Kiba spoke up hesitantly, breaking her out of her thoughts.

“Yes?”

“Well… I was just wondering… what will be done with the other three?”

Ah, yes. There was also Sasuke’s companions to deal with. All former henchmen of Orochimaru’s. _Former_. She had to keep reminding herself that he was gone now. In fact, Sasuke had been the one to kill him, based on the reports. Perhaps she could lessen her dislike if she told herself that enough time. _Although, he probably only did it because he considered orochimaru a threat to his goal_ , she thought. 

“I haven’t decided yet. From what you’ve told me, they’re apparently dangerous enough to hold off three members of the Akatsuki. On top of that, they were Orochimaru’s followers. Otherwise, they’re complete unknowns.” She sighed. “They need to be firmly locked away until we have more information.”

Her headache was getting worse and she hadn’t even _gotten_ to the deal Kakashi had made yet. By then, she might have a full-blown migraine. 

“Pardon, Ma’am, but the two men, Juugo and Suigetsu, were both experiments under Orochimaru, not followers.”

Tsunade narrowed her eyes at that, but gestured for him to continue. He quickly gave her a rundown of the conversation he held with Juugo the night before. It eased her slightly to know that at least one of them hadn’t gone to Orochimaru willingly. She would have to do more digging to verify the information, of course, but it was a start.

“I will consider this.” She said flatly. It was enough for Kiba, apparently, since he smiled and stepped back.

Next, she turned her focus to the fact that Kakashi had given Itachi’s body away. She understood the reasoning, she really did, but Itachi was an _S-class missing nin_. She needed to decide whether to honor that deal or not.

Before she could comment on it, however, a Root member appeared at her side.

“Lady Hokage, the elders are requesting a meeting.”

 _Aaaand… there’s the migraine. Perfect._ She groaned and rested her head in her hands. After taking a deep breath she addressed the others. “You’re all dismissed, for now.”

She watched team 8 group up and walk out simultaneously. Kakashi, Yamato, and Sai followed a minute later. Once they had all left, she stood and made he way to the council room.

She hated these meeting and, honestly, the elders in general. Danzo was by far the worst, though. He tried to block every decision she made, always aiming to get more power.

She walked into the room and took her seat at the head of the table.

“What?” She demanded.

“Tsunade,” Danzo began in a patronizing voice. “We’ve been informed that Sasuke Uchiha is back in the village. We would like to know the situation and what you plan to do.”

She sighed. Of course they had heard about it already. She mentally prepared herself, then gave them a brief summary of the situation, leaving out only a few details. “I haven’t decided on a course of action concerning Sasuke or his companions, yet.” She finished. 

“Well, dear, the other three aren’t really the problem here.” She wanted to punch him every time he used that tone. “Sasuke is the leader and the ONLY one who was previously a shinobi of the Leaf. For the others, it’s a simple matter. They were missing nin and followers of Orochimaru, we have apprehended them, and now they will pay for their crimes in our prisons.” She didn’t necessarily agree, not after what Kiba had told her, but she nodded for him to continue. “The Uchiha is a different matter, though. He is an S-class missing nin from Konoha. If you were to let him go, it would show weakness to the other nations. I feel the only viable option is execution.” The other two elders nodded their agreement.

Tsunade gaped at them. “WHAT?!”

“Tsunade, he broke his oaths to join Orochimaru. I think it would be safest for everyone if he was eliminated. Just look at what happened to the last Uchiha that went rogue.” He said it so calmly.

“THAT WAS DIFFERENT! And let me remind you that he went to Orochimaru in order to _kill_ Itachi.” She couldn’t believe she was defending Sasuke Uchiha, but Danzo had that effect on her.

“Tsunade-”

“NO! Absolutely not. I will speak to Sasuke and decide what course of action to take based on the answers he gives me, but execution is NOT on the table.” She didn’t care what her personal feelings were, she wouldn’t do that to team Kakashi. “We’re done here.”

She stood to leave but was halted by Danzo’s sudden inquiry. “What about Itachi’s body.”

She froze. She hadn’t told him about Kakashi’s deal, so how…

Slowly, she turned to face him and asked, “Why?”

“You said Kakashi recovered the remains. Unfortunately, I haven’t been informed of his body being handed over to anbu yet. An oversight, I’m sure, but I want to be positive that it will be corrected in a timely manner.”

They stared at each other for a moment and, suddenly, Tsunade had one less decision to make. She smiled sweetly at him. “Actually, I’m letting Sasuke decide what to do with his remains. They are brothers after all.” She relished the surprised, and slightly horrified, look he sent her way. Then, without another word, she spun and marched out of the room. 

* * *

Kakashi sat in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs with his book in hand. 

Sasuke was still unconscious, but he was stable and had been given his own hospital room. Naruto and Sakura were also there but had fallen asleep, their heads resting against one another. They had been here when he had arrived after his debriefing. The two of them were in the middle of reminiscing about the good old days of team 7, so he had pulled up a chair to join them. 

It had been about six hours since he had gotten here, the sun had long since set, but none of them had suggested leaving.

Honestly, Kakashi though he might still be in shock. Sasuke, the student he thought was gone, was laying in the hospital bed three feet away from him. In _Konoha_.

He had never told either of his other students, but he hadn’t expected this day to come. He loved them, but Sakura and Naruto were idealists. They were the type of people who believed that a teammate, who was willing to throw them away, would one day come back. And, as much as he wanted to be, Kakashi wasn’t.

He had graduated the academy at six, became a Jounin at ten, fought in the Third Great Shinobi War, and had served in the Anbu Black Ops. He was an orphan at five. He had watched both his teammates die and lost his sensei a few years later. He had served his state as a weapon and killed on their behalf. He’d seen the world and knew the type of people in it.

He was different from the other two.

He was different from the other two because he knew that the person on that bed wasn’t the same boy from three years ago. He was different because he _knew_ and allowed himself to hope anyway. He hated himself for it.

The truth is, Kakashi never expected to have Sasuke back, and now that he was, Kakashi didn’t expect him to be the same. And _yet_ , the cruelest part of him still looked at that spiky raven hair and that sharp, tortured expression and said, _my boy_.

He sighed and looked back at his page but didn’t register a single word.

His thoughts were turning to the last time Sasuke was in the hospital. The horror he had felt when he saw Naruto and Sasuke attacking each other with high level jutsu. He had tied Sasuke to a tree afterwards and had tried to speak with him. It had been pointless, but the eyes he had been met with still haunted him today. They were angry and confused and so, _so_ broken. It was the same look he had seen in the mirror so many times… to see it so openly on Sasuke had terrified him. In his panic he had told Sasuke to stop chasing Itachi. Looking back, it was probably the worst thing he could have said.

It was the last time they saw each other.

Kakashi thinks that if he had only been able to _reach_ him… but no, he had failed. Of course, Sasuke wasn’t innocent, either. He had broken his sacred oaths to the village, which was no small crime. However, Kakashi was his mentor, and he should have been better, seen that Sasuke was breaking.

Except, he had come to him broken. Sasuke had been made an orphan at 7 by his own brother. It was to be expected, but he had been getting BETTER. He hadn’t given up on his goals, but he smiled more often and had actually begun to open himself up to his teammates. Then he began to regress and close himself off, again. He became even angrier, and Kakashi could point to the hospital incident as where it all came to a head, but it had started before that. 

It began when Sasuke saw Itachi. He had already been broken, but that encounter had fractured what was left. Kakashi had feared for his mental state then, just as he did now.

For over two and a half years, Sasuke was with Orochimaru. He didn’t even want to think about the mental damage that would cause. But on top of that, Sasuke had finally killed Itachi, which was particularly worrying because that was Sasuke’s only goal in life. He didn’t know how that would change him. Truthfully, Kakashi didn’t know who would awake on that hospital bed. 

That simple fact petrified him.

Kakashi sighed again, and set his book down. He wouldn’t be reading anything tonight.

He glanced up to look and Sasuke again, and froze. The teenager who had, moments ago, been unconscious on the bed, was now sitting up and staring sightlessly down at his lap. 

.

.

.

_Sasuke’s awake!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, another chapter done!
> 
> I feel that I may add too much detail in some scenes, but a big pet peeve of mine is when some fanfic authors have characters agree to major, life changing decisions immediately. I wanted to take my time and really show what these characters are thinkin, what their motivation is, and why they're doing what they're doing. That being said, please tell me if I need to cut back when it comes to certain things.
> 
> A Few things about the story:
> 
> -Let it be known that Juugo is a soft boy and I love him. 
> 
> -Akamaru is best boy
> 
> -Tsunade is Hardcore projecting her negative feelings about Orochimaru onto Sasuke.
> 
> -I want you guys to understand how much I hate Danzo. I am not a hateful person, but fuck him. He is my least favorite character of ALL TIME. No one else comes close
> 
> -Danzo 100% wanted Itcahi's eyes, like, "ah, another fine addition to my collection."
> 
> -He also wants Sasuke gone because he hates Uchihas and he didn't want the truth of the massacre to ever come to light
> 
> -Kakashi's not doing great but, hey! Sasuke's awake so that'll be fun.


	3. Consign me not to darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is so much later than I wanted it to be. Everyone can thank my professors for that, though. I had three different essays in three different classes AT THE SAME TIME! (Two of which were over ten page research essays in topics I knew almost nothing about) So, yeah, I had a really fun past few weeks. 
> 
> Anyway, on top of not having much free time to write, I had a lot of difficulty writing this chapter. I hope it came out alright.
> 
> Also slight trigger warning for references to past (canon) suicides.
> 
> Hope everyone is staying safe and enjoy!

Sasuke opened his eyes to a blinding light.

For a brief moment, he thought that he was dead. He knew he was injured and exhausted at the end, it would make sense. Then he registered the pain. It wasn’t overwhelming, or even particularly strong, but it was there. 

_I’m still alive_ , he noted.

It was strange that the realization didn’t bring relief, but he decided to push it aside in favor of sitting up. It took far more effort than it should have. His body was heavy and difficult to move. He distantly registered the pull of bandages across his bare torso, but the weight of his frame didn’t seem to be caused solely by his injuries. He felt exhausted, mentally and physically. 

Finally, he accomplished his task and brought his hands to rest in his lap and loosely gripped the white sheets in front of him. He stared at them for a moment, trying to decide why they felt familiar. After a few minutes, it occurred to him to check his surroundings. Slowly, he tilted his head to the side and languidly looked around the room. Kakashi sat in a chair that was tilted to the side, absorbed in his book. Naruto and Sakura were asleep in two other chairs much closer to his bed. He stared at them for a moment and that’s when it hit him.

He was in a hospital.

In Konoha.

Sasuke thought he should be confused by that. Or angry, or panicked, or countless other emotions. He wasn’t. He could feel them in the back of his mind, but there was a haze over his consciousness that prevented them from surfacing. He would have been concerned, had he the energy to care. As it was, he simply turned his gaze back to his hands. They shook slightly in his lap.

As he continued to stare, he allowed everything else to faded away. His eyes unfocused to the point where he could only register the barely noticeable tremors of his fingers. But even then, all he could see was the sparks of Chidori, the shape of hand seals, the grip of his sword, and the sharp edge of a shuriken. And it was better that way, because if he looked up for even a second, all he would see is Itachi’s face.

He would see the bored frown adorning his mouth, the pretentious raise of his eyebrows, and the condescending tilt of his chin. He would see his eyes. They would be careful, calculating, and _cold_. Always cold, just like Itachi himself. 

Except… there was that moment, right before Itachi had died…

The coldness was hidden behind his closed eyelids, and the small smile on his lips was warm. It had looked so real. But Sasuke couldn’t convince himself that it was, not even for a second. He wanted to be furious that Itachi would even try a trick like that. He wanted to be indignant and disgusted, but the haze was still there and he _didn’t. Feel. ANYTHING!_

It was as though he were standing on a frozen lake. Sasuke looked down and saw the thick, impenetrable ice, and just beyond it was the ominous water that churned violently. It was dark, smothering, and terrifying; it was a blackness that had no bottom… and he recognized it as his own emotions. At some point, they had separated from him. They were a part of him, yet he could not touch them. He had followed them his entire life, yet he could not reach them. He knew in every bone of his body that they were there, yet he could not feel them. Although, perhaps it was for the best, for as he watched them boil beneath the surface of the ice… he knew. Sasuke knew that if the ice were ever to crack, he would fall into the depths of that blackness and never find his way back to the surface. 

Then again, perhaps it was what he wanted, for he had always been a slave to his emotions. He had never been able to resist their call to drown. He gazed down as they swirled in a dark mass that made him fearful of their intensity, but he couldn’t escape the burning desire to dive, to reach out and grab hold even if it consumed him, to feel _something_. 

But the ice held, and all he could feel was the cold.

“… _Sasuke._ ”

The voice broke him from his thoughts, and he turned his gaze to the side, once again, to see Kakashi staring at him with a wide eye. Sasuke didn’t respond, and they stared at each other. One with a look of concern and shock, and the other with apathy and exhaustion. Then the book slid slowly from Kakashi’s fingers to land with a small thud. 

It was sufficient to wake the others.

Naruto and Sakura both bolted upright with a start. They looked frantically around the room for the danger before their eyes landed on Sasuke and the whole room went still. They stared at him with the same look Kakashi had. Naruto breathed his name just as Sakura shouted it and lunged at him.

Before he even realized what was happening, there were arms around his neck and pink hair in his face. It took a few more seconds before he recognized the gesture as a hug, but he didn’t know what to do about it. Sasuke knew that, at one point, he would have been annoyed; that he _should_ be annoyed. He didn’t like physical contact, but he couldn’t even muster the energy to raise his arms and push her off, much less the energy to care. All he could do was wait for her to step back on her own. 

After another minute or so, she did. There was a blush on her cheeks and tears in her eyes. He sluggishly turned his gaze to the side when he saw Naruto take a step forward. He had tears running down his cheeks and a giant grin on his face. For a moment it looked like he would hug Sasuke too, but he just wiped at his eyes and started talking. He blabbered about how happy he was to have Sasuke back and how team 7 was complete again. Sasuke wasn’t able to register most of what he said, though, and just continued to stare blankly as Naruto chattered.

He felt detached from the whole scene, as though he were outside his body just watching it play out but not really understanding. 

Sakura was nodding along with Naruto, though, and adding a comment of her own every now and then. He didn’t really bother listening to the words that the two of them spewed, but he got the general message: They were finally team 7 again, which didn’t make sense. He was pretty sure he’d been kidnapped. The thought crossed his mind to correct them, but it passed quickly. In the end, it didn’t matter what they thought. Nothing did. 

Itachi was all that mattered, all that had EVER mattered. Now he was dead. 

Sasuke turned his gaze back to his lap, uninterested in what the two were saying, mind unable to focus on anything other than the memory of Itachi’s body laying lifelessly on the ground. Everything began to fade away again as he focused on that image, but he could still vaguely hear the one-sided conversation in the back of his mind. A lifetime of training prevented him from truly blocking the world out when potential threats were so close, but he paid it no mind.

Then Kakashi’s voice suddenly cut through to his consciousness. “Why don’t you two go home and get some rest. I’d like to talk to Sasuke alone.” 

His body didn’t tense, nor did his expression change, but his mind ever so slightly focused at the possible dangers accompanying that statement. His eyes flickered to the side for a moment to catch sight of the man. Kakashi hadn’t moved from his initial position, but he was now staring at Sasuke with a warry eye. 

Naruto and Sakura began to protest, but Kakashi was able to usher them out of the room after a minute or two. He then leaned against the door, crossed his arms, and stared.

Sasuke gazed despondently at the white wall a few feet away from him. It was silent in the room, which was fine with him. He wasn’t interested in what Kakashi wanted to talk about. All he wanted was to be left alone; he had no intention of breaking the silence that at least let him pretend. 

However, when that became clear to Kakashi, he sighed and Sasuke registered him walking over to his previous seat from the corner of his eye. He breathed deeply before starting to talk. “They’re very excited to have you back. Naruto, in particular, hasn’t talked about anything other than finding you for the past three years. He kept saying he’d bring you back… and now he has, so I think we need to talk about what happens next.”

When Sasuke didn’t so much as blink to show that he was listening, Kakashi took another deep breath before continuing. “I believe Tsunade would be willing to return your former Genin status. She’ll come to talk to you soon to make her final decision.” There was a small pause. “When that happens, you’ll need to convince her that your allegiances lie with the Leaf and that you recognize your mistake in going to Orochimaru.”

At that, Sasuke’s eyebrows involuntarily twitched and his eyes met Kakashi’s for the barest second. Again, he was unsure what made these people so confident he was on their side. He didn’t come back, he was kidnapped. But that wasn’t even the point. Sasuke wouldn’t argue that Orochimaru was a horrible person, that’s why he killed him, but he didn’t regret going. The skills he acquired there were the reason that Itachi was dead, and _that_ was the point. The only one Sasuke cared about.

Kakashi seemed to grasp what he was thinking because he huffed a small, disbelieving laugh before falling quiet. Sasuke felt him staring until he finally went on. “Look, Itachi is dead.” Blunt as ever. “You’ve completed your goals, so there’s no reason why you shouldn’t rejoin the Leaf. You have nowhere else to go.”

Kakashi said it with such certainty. 

To be fair, he was technically right; Sasuke didn’t have anywhere to go… but he also had no reason to stay. In truth, Sasuke was almost completely indifferent to Kakashi’s words, but the thought of living in the village did send a vague feeling of unrest. After all, Konoha had stopped being his home long before he had left to go to Orochimaru.

When there was no response, Kakashi’s voice took on a frustrated note. “Sasuke, we’re _trying_. The fact that Tsunade is even thinking about pardoning you is a big deal, so show some gratitude!” 

Sasuke thought about that for a moment, or as much as his hazy mind allowed him too. The notion of feeling gratitude for something that was seemingly being forced upon him was confusing, but it wasn’t worth expending the energy to form a response, so he gave none. 

The continued silence aggravated Kakashi further, though, and his voice was raised slightly when he spoke again. “Honestly, I don’t know what else we could do! What else you _want_ us to do?!” Sasuke heard his chair scrape against the floor, a mark that Kakashi had suddenly stood. “If you think we’re just going to let you go back out there you’re _Wrong_! You need us, and don’t try pretend you don’t! I know that look on your face. I’ve seen it before on other shinobi. The ones who lost their purpose, had nothing left to live for.” 

Sasuke said nothing and Kakashi let out a frustrated exhale. “This is _exactly_ why I told you to give up on revenge! You were too obsessed with killing Itachi. What did you _expect_ to happen after it was done? What do you plan to do now? _Are you finally happy?_ _Well… SAY SOMETHING!”_

He could feel Kakashi’s eye boring into the side of his head as he impatiently waited for an answer, but Sasuke didn’t have one for him.

He thought about the words and knew they were meant to be biting, but they weren’t. He knew he wasn’t happy. He was nothing. Only exhausted, numb, and perhaps in shock, if he was being honest with himself. However, Sasuke truly didn’t think he could force himself to talk and explain this, even if he wanted to. He didn’t.

He simply continued to stare at the wall. 

After a few minutes of complete silence, he heard Kakashi sit down heavily with a sigh. He breathed in and out deeply a few times before finally talking. His voice sounded far more tired. “Fine. I can see you don’t want to talk right now, so I’ll give you some space… We will have to talk about this eventually, though.”

It took Sasuke a moment to register the words, as his mind had begun to drift again. By the time he did, Kakashi was already opening the door. 

He paused halfway out of the room and, without turning around, said. “I’m glad you’re back.”

Then he was gone.

Sasuke turned his gaze back to his lap, grateful that he was finally alone. His mind immediately strayed to Itachi. It didn’t seem real that he was gone. And that’s when it began to dawn on him. He _was_ alone, truly alone… Not just in the room, but in the world. 

He had lost his parents, his aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. He had lost his entire clan but he hadn’t been alone. As much as he hated him, Itachi was still alive. He was still in Sasuke’s life even when he wasn’t physically there. 

But now he was dead by Sasuke’s own hand. He truly was the last Uchiha.

Itachi had taken everything from him, but he had at least provided him with a goal. Now even that was gone. The last thing Itachi would ever take from him. 

In the end, the list was so long, what was one more loss?

The image of Itachi’s lifeless body once again sprung to the forefront of his mind. His eyes had been open and sightless, blood trailing from both his eye and his mouth. Itachi had always looked more like their father, but Sasuke couldn’t help but see his mother in the image. He had died in almost the exact position she had…

Sasuke closed his eyes and tried his best to force the thought from his mind. Instead, he focused on the realization that he still had one duty left to perform. Something he had promised himself he would do after Itachi was defeated. 

He braced himself and then pulled the cover aside to stand up. As soon as he was on his feet, he almost collapsed again. The pain in his shoulder and side was nothing in comparison to the overwhelming exhaustion he felt. Nonetheless, he had somewhere to be, so he pushed it to the back of his mind and continued. 

He knew he wouldn’t be allowed to go out the front door, so he opened the only window in the room. His chakra levels were so low that it would be virtually impossible to sense him, except for Karin. He paused at the thought of his teammate, wondering what had happened to the rest of Hebi. He knew Kakashi would have told him if they were dead, though, so he simply vowed to find out what happened later; he couldn’t stop what he was doing. 

He carefully climbed his way down to the ground, thankful that his muscles didn’t fail him in the few moments it took. He truly didn’t have much chakra left. _That’s probably why they didn’t bother putting chakra restraining cuffs on me_ , he thought. 

When he was safely on the ground, he turned and began walking through the village. Sasuke simply let his feet guide him as he slowly trudged towards his goal. He paid no mind to the cool night breeze that brushed against his bare skin, nor did he look at the city around him. He just let his mind wander to the only true subject of his thoughts.

Before he knew it, he was opening the gate to his destination. It was technically supposed to be closed, but he knew there was an understanding to always leave the gate unlocked. His bare feet stepped onto the neatly kept grass and he wandered past stone after stone. 

Eventually he came to a section that stood apart from the rest. It had its own small fence around it and the Uchiha crest carved on the gate. He gently pushed it open and took a step inside. 

Sasuke took a deep breath before looking up to meet the sight. Hundreds of graves stretched out before him.

It was customary in the Uchiha clan for family to be burned on a pyre upon death. The entire clan would gather to mourn and watch the flames send their soul to the afterlife. When the ritual was complete, their names were added to the Uchiha memorial stone that stood in a sanctuary at the back of the compound. It was what was usually done.

However, the Hokage had ordered the victims of that night to be buried in the main village cemetery. Seven-year-old Sasuke, still in shock from what had transpired, had not thought to protest. 

The decision to have them buried here still confused him, but he no longer questioned it. 

He Began to walk slowly to where he knew they lay. As he passed graves, he caught sight of the names carved there. 

_Isadora Uchiha. Hakon Uchiha. Kanna Uchiha. Michi Uchiha. Natsuko Uchiha…_

For each name he saw, he could picture in his mind the bloody position in which they died.

_Satomi Uchiha. Akemi Uchiha. Daisuke Uchiha. Takashi Uchiha. Yasu Uchiha…_

He did not know all of them before, but he made sure he knew _all_ of them after.

_Umeko Uchiha. Tooru Uchiha. Suzume Uchiha. Etsuko Uchiha. Hachiro Uchiha…_

He moved slowly across the graveyard, taking in the devastation Itachi had wrought.

_Ryouta Uchiha. Yoshiko Uchiha. Akari Uchiha. Hachiro Uchiha. Izumi Uchiha…_

It had been a long time since his last visit. After the mass funeral, he had only come three or four times. Then, after the last visit, he vowed he wouldn’t come again.

Eventually, he came to a stop in front of the last two graves in the row. He looked down and read their names reverently. 

_Fugaku Uchiha._

_Mikoto Uchiha._

Sasuke knelt down between them and ran his hand over his father’s name, then his mother’s. It had been so long since he was able to sit by their sides like this. Ever since the night he had made that vow. The vow that he wouldn’t come back until he had avenged them. Until their murderer was dead and their souls could rest in peace. 

He had now fulfilled that duty and once again deserved to be in their presence.

He looked to the side where there was empty space next to his parents. There was room for two more graves. He knew that the Third had intentionally made the addition. It had never failed to make him mad.

He had been angry the night he made the promise, too. He had been fueled by the vengeful rage that had defined over half his life. He had screamed and cursed Itachi’s name. 

The times he visited before that, though, he had been so consumed with grief that he would sit with his head on his mother’s gravestone and cry until he had no more tears to shed.

But now… he couldn’t do either.

He thought about what Kakashi had said. He had asked if he was happy. Sasuke could have laughed, if the concept of humor did not feel so far away. He shouldn’t be surprised that the man didn’t understand. It was evident from the past few years that no one did. 

It was an unfortunate truth that he had long learned to accept, but he had thought that Kakashi might… but no, he was as alone in his feelings as he was in the world. Kakashi and the others may consider him family, but _his_ family was here.

He shifted to sit fully in front of his mother’s grave, and wondered why he couldn’t feel the sorrow that he knew should be there. He was empty and numb and _nothing else._

He though again of the frozen lake. His emotions were now swirling violently below the surface. They pushed against the barrier with so much force that an unbearable pressure formed in his chest. It built until it consumed his entire mind. In that moment, he would do anything to release the pressure. It didn’t matter if he drowned in sorrow. Or loss. Or anguish. He just needed to feel _something_ because anything- _ANYTHING_ was better than the emptiness, and the frustration of not being able to was nearly overpowering. 

He wanted to kick and punch and claw at the ice. He wanted to yell and scream at the top of his lungs. He wanted _so desperately_ just to cry… but he couldn’t.

He was a boy that sat before the grave of his mother and couldn’t even shed a tear…

 _What is_ wrong _with me?_

* * *

Tatsume walked down the hallway with Sasuke Uchiha’s medical chart in hand. She was very familiar with the name, even if she had never met the boy in person. She was new to the Leaf having transferred from a nearby town, but one didn’t spend any amount of time at the hospital without becoming acquainted with team Kakashi.

First there was Sakura, who worked at the hospital almost every day she wasn’t on missions. Every staff member knew her, she was Tsunade’s protégé, after all. Tatsume liked her and respected her work ethic, even if she personally thought Sakura should take a day off every once in a while.

Then there was Naruto. He came to visit Sakura frequently ever since he had gotten back from his trip with Master Jiraiya. Of course, he did end up in her ward more than Tatsume liked. He was a sweet boy.

Finally, there was Kakashi, himself. He practically had his own room at the hospital. Suffice it to say, she knew him very well by this point. 

Each member of the team was far more reckless than was good for them. She figured the Uchiha boy must be the same, considering he was currently laying in a hospital bed. Tatsume did not know much about him, only what the she had heard from his former teammates, but she could guess that much. In fact, she could probably guess a great deal about him, Naruto and Sakura talked about him enough. 

Tatsume rounded the corner and came face to face with a sweet, if unusual, sight. Kakashi, Naruto, and Sakura were all sitting quietly in chairs a little way down from Sasuke’s room. She briefly wondered why they were waiting _outside_ the room, but quickly decided it was none of her business. 

As she approached, she gave a warm smile and waved her chart at Sakura, who had just noticed her. “Hello, dear. Just making my rounds.”

Sakura smiled back at her as Kakashi and Naruto turned towards the sound. “Hi, Miss Tatsume! If you’re going in to check on Sasuke, you should know that he woke up about two hours ago. I don’t know if he’ll still be awake, though.”

“Ah, thank you, darling.” Sakura nodded, so she sent her one last fond smile before opening the door… to an empty room.

 _Well_ , she thought, _shit_.

* * *

Kakashi leapt from rooftop to rooftop in a barely controlled panic. It had been _so_ stupid of him to leave Sasuke alone like that, but he was so low on chakra that Kakashi hadn’t thought it would be an issue. Now, nearly an hour into the search, he wasn’t so sure. 

As soon as Tatsume (he knew the names of the entire hospital staff) had come out of Sasuke’s room, it had sent them all into a frenzy in order to find him. He was now extremely glad that Naruto and Sakura hadn’t gone home like he’d asked. 

Kakashi still couldn’t believe he had made such a rookie mistake. He didn’t really even know why he had decided to leave. All he knew was that he couldn’t look at Sasuke another second. His face had been so despondent, and his eyes were completely devoid of both hope and energy.

It was the same look his father had right before…

He took in a shuddering breath. He hadn’t meant to get so emotional with him, but even the thought of that comparison was enough to send spikes of sheer terror through his entire body. He didn’t even want to think about it because life _couldn’t possibly_ be cruel enough to give him his student back only for him to lose Sasuke to himself.

He took another breath in an attempt to calm down and shook his head to clear it. Right now, he just needed to find him, and he would find him _alive_. Naruto, Sakura, team 8, team 10, a dozen ninja hounds, and half of anbu were all looking for him. It was only a matter of time. 

Just as he thought it, he saw Pakkun approaching. Kakashi landed on the roof of an apartment building and spoke as soon as the dog was in range. “Anything?” He tried not to focus on how desperate he sounded.

“Yeah, I think I found him.” The answer sent a flood of relief coursing through his system, but Kakashi wouldn’t be able to truly relax until he saw that he was okay. “Follow me.” Kakashi nodded and they took off.

“Was he outside the village?” Kakashi asked as they ran. He prayed this wasn’t the case. The anbu members, along with most of the hounds he’d summoned, were tasked with looking around the perimeter. The rest of them were looking inside the walls. Kakashi knew and trusted most of the anbu members, but he thought it would be better if Sasuke was found by someone _he_ knew.

“No, northeast sector of the village. We’re almost there, actually.” 

_That’s odd_ , Kakashi thought. The northeastern sector was almost on the opposite side of the city to both the Uchiha compound and Sasuke’s old apartment. _Why would he go there?_ However, he didn’t have much time to dwell on it, as they arrived at what Kakashi assumed to be their destination, then it suddenly made sense. 

Before him stood the village cemetery. 

He knew the Uchiha victims of Itachi’s slaughter were buried here, but it did not completely clear up his confusion. In all their time together, he didn’t think Sasuke had visited this place once. That is, other than for the Third Hokage’s funeral.

Kakashi and Pakkun started to walk slowly through the graveyard towards the section marked for the Uchiha. After a minute, Kakashi finally saw him.

Sasuke was sitting in front of a grave with his back turned to Kakashi about a hundred yards away. 

“Pakkun,” he said softly. “Go notify the others that we’ve found him. Tell them I’ll bring him back to the hospital.”

“Right.” The dog immediately turned and ran off to deliver the news. 

After he left, Kakashi turned and began walking towards the gate to the small fence around the area. Once he was inside, he approached his student slowly, making enough sound to let Sasuke know he was there.

There was no reaction to the footsteps which Kakashi took to mean that his presence was being ignored but not rejected. He decided to take that as permission to continue.

He walked slowly up to Sasuke’s side and looked down to gauge his expression. The shadows of the night made it difficult to truly see his face from that angle, but what he could see was solemn. 

Kakashi continued to stand with no reaction from Sasuke who simply stared straight ahead. Kakashi followed his gaze to the gravestone in front of him and read the name. _Mikoto Uchiha_.

 _That’s his mother._ Kakashi closed his eyes for a moment, as he truly realized what he was intruding on. He thought about letting Sasuke be, but decided that he shouldn’t be alone.

Slowly, still cautious of a sudden outburst, Kakashi sat down next to his student. 

He didn’t know what to say, so he remained quiet. What could he say, what _did_ you say, in the face of a grief this strong? There was nothing. Instead, he let the silence speak for him.

They sat like that for a long while, Sasuke trapped in his thoughts and Kakashi providing an anchor to reality.

Kakashi was content to stay as long as he needed and, in his own time, Sasuke broke the silence himself.

“If you want an honest answer," he whispered, "happiness was never something that I sought to obtain for myself.”

Kakashi’s head whipped up to look at him. The words were barely audible, but Kakashi was so shocked that he had spoken at all that he was momentarily speechless. It was the first time he had heard Sasuke speak in three years and his voice was deeper than he remembered it, yet another difference to mark the passage of time. 

It took Kakashi a moment to realize that Sasuke was answering his question from the hospital. _Are you happy now?_ He remembered saying. However, the second of understanding that came with the realization was quickly overshadowed by apprehension, as the horrible implications of what Sasuke had just said registered.

“What do you mean?” Kakashi was finally able to ask.

Sasuke turned away from his mother’s grave and looked him in the eye. His expression made Kakashi’s chest clench. His eyes were so tired, so broken. 

“My revenge. It was always different. I wasn’t going after an enemy who wronged me, or a companion that turned against me. I was going after my _brother_. And despite what you think of me, I’m not a fool. I knew what that meant. I knew that what was waiting for me at the end of this path wasn’t a happy ending. I did it anyway because it’s what needed to be done, for myself as well as my family.”

Kakashi wondered why he was telling him this, but they stared at each other for a minute and he thought he understood. 

Kakashi was intimately familiar with that look. The one full of indifferent acceptance and bone deep exhaustion. It was the look of someone who had given up. The look of someone who didn’t care because it no longer mattered to them. It didn’t surprise him to see it on Sasuke’s face. That didn’t stop his heart from breaking.

Despite knowing what it meant, Kakashi asked anyway. “…now what?”

Sasuke turned back to the graves. “I don’t know. A part of me always assumed that I would simply die next to my brother. In my head, I imagined that I would strike Itachi down, and that would be it.” His voice was wistful. “I would just… _let go_ … because you were right. Avenging my family was my only purpose. Now that it’s done… I have no other reason to keep going.”

No amount of preparation could have lessened the pain those words caused. Kakashi was expecting them and he still felt as though the world had been pulled out from under his feet. He felt blades of fear cut into his heart at the situation and had to remind himself to breath through it. 

Not knowing what to do, Kakashi reached up and placed his hand on Sasuke’s shoulder. “You do have other reasons to keep going, and you’re not alone.” 

The words weren’t enough. Kakashi _knew_ they weren’t enough, but he had no idea what else he could say. Gai would be better at this. He was cheerful and personable. He was strange but he knew how to connect and comfort someone. Kakashi… didn’t. He felt wholly inadequate. 

His student needed him and he was completely powerless. He didn’t know how to get through to Sasuke. The last time he tried, he had pushed him into leaving the village. All he could do now was offer silent comfort in the form of his company and hope that it was enough.

So that’s what he did.

He sat with his hand resting on Sasuke’s shoulder for what could have been hours, pouring all the support he could into the gesture. He sat next to the boy whose pain he so desperately wanted to take away. He sat next to the boy he still loved so much and prayed that he knew. _You do have reasons to keep going._ He wanted to say. _You’re loved._ _PLEASE, know that you’re loved._

Eventually, Kakashi knew they had to go. He let his hand fall from Sasuke’s shoulder to lightly tug at his arm. “Come on, we should head back.” He said softly. Sasuke didn’t respond, but he allowed Kakashi to gently guide him to his feet and together they slowly made their way back to the hospital. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for reading, hope this one came out okay!
> 
> A few things about the story:
> 
> -Sasuke's mindset is based off of rreal symptoms of major depressive episodes (Speaking from experience and research) and the two minutes between when he woke up in the show and Obito told him the truth about Itachi.
> 
> -In those two minutes he was almost catatonic, not showing interest in anything except Itachi's name, not even the very real threat of the unknown Akatsuki memeber in the room
> 
> -In one of the endings (could have been an opening idk) it showed a seven year old sasuke standing in front of a bunch of graves, and that's kind of where my headcanons about the Uchiha section in the cemetery came from
> 
> -In a village the size of Konoha, there has to be a substantial police force made up of at least 100- 200 police officers. considering the fact that there were also many civilians not involved in the police force within the Uchiha clan... yeah hundreds of people died in the massacre
> 
> -I'm in love with the headcanon that Kakashi basically has his own room at the hospital because I think it's 100% true
> 
> -I hope that Sasuke talking to Kakashi at the end isn't too ooc. The way I tried to write it is that he's actually starting to go through the stages of grief for his families death. He kind of got stuck in the anger faze for a good few years. I think that he was feeling the extreme depression that came with no longer having that goal to divert his attention and energy to. 
> 
> -He always keeps his cards close to his chest and is naturally a very quite person. However, right now he's feeling more alone than he ever has and I think that he just desperately wanted at least one person to understand him. And why keep your cards close to your chest if, in the end, nothing matters? 
> 
> -Kakashi is having mini panic attacks from certain parallels from past issues that he hasn't dealt with because he hasn't dealt with ANY of his issues
> 
> -Seriously, I love kakashi with my whole heart but who the hell thought it was a good idea to put this disaster of a human being in charge of three pubescent kids? probably the same guy who thought it was a good idea to have a 15 y/o murder his whole family 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, comments are greatly appreciated!!!


	4. He came to me with the sweetest smile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just say, from the bottom of my heart... My bad.  
> So, as most of you probably know, this is my first fanfic ever. I didn't know what my update schedule was going to look like, so here are the two main things it's going to depend on:  
> 1.) When I have free time (not a lot, my schedule is brutal this year)  
> 2.) when my mental health allows me to actually have the motivation to write (also rare these last few months)  
> I'll try to do better in the future, but I'm literally such a stubborn bitch. You do not have to worry, I do not abandon projects lightly.
> 
> Special thank you to all those who have commented and liked this story! Hope this chapter won't disappoint!

Tsunade slid a hand down her face as she set down yet another report from last night. She was furious at Kakashi for letting his guard down like that and at herself for not taking more precautions. Ironically, though, she wasn’t angry at Sasuke. She was at first, UNBELIVABLY angry. In Fact, when that Anbu had disturbed her precious few hours of sleep to tell her that the Uchiha brat was missing, she was ready to track him down herself and give him the beating of a lifetime. Then she got the report of where he had been, and things got a little more complicated.

She had been truly surprised when Pakkun had told her he went to the cemetery. It was in complete contrast to her understanding of him. She knew him to be power-hungry, disloyal, and unsentimental. She certainly hadn’t expected him to sneak out of his hospital room, while injured and under guard, just to visit graves that, from what she’s been told, he hasn’t been to in years. She didn’t expect him to care, Orochimaru never had. 

Orochimaru felt no regret, shame, or sense of loss. She had assumed Sasuke was the same. Now Tsunade didn’t know what to think. She still doubted that he felt regret or shame, but she now knew that he did, at least, feel grief for his family. It did not make her like or sympathize with the brat, but it was enough to quell her anger at being woken up and ever so slightly separate the two traitors in her mind.

Orochimaru would have laughed, in that infuriatingly amused and smug way of his, at the mere _notion_ of caring for anyone but himself. She had learned the hard way that he didn’t care about his team or the village or even _human life_. He had proven this with his countless cruel experiments, in his desertion of the village, and in the murder of their Sensei.

Tsunade’s hands tightened into fists at the thought, and she shook her head to focus.

She still had to decide what to do with Sasuke and his team. She didn’t trust any of them, despite what Kiba had told her. She needed information. The three they had in holding had already been questioned but the answers didn’t tell her much. She needed to meet them herself, see what kind of people they were.

Coming to a decision, she nodded to herself and stood up. Shizune squeaked as Tsunade strode past and scrambled to follow.

“Ma’am, where are you going?”

“To speak with Sasuke’s companions. I need to ask them a few questions before I can make a decision on what to do with them.”

“Of course, Ma’am. Allow me to tell them you’re coming.” Shizune practically ran ahead to prepare the guards. Tsunade was thankful the other woman understood and didn’t try to argue.

When Tsunade arrived, she was taken straight to their cells. They reached the man named Suigetsu’s cell first, so she nodded to the two guards posted outside his door and walked in. 

They were being kept in maximum security holding. The walls were all solid steel with the only opening being the door, which was heavily fortified; there wasn’t a window. The room itself was divided down the middle with thick floor to ceiling bars. On the interrogator’s side was just a simple chair; on the prisoner’s side was a small cot and a toilet. A multitude of seals were placed around the small area. One was placed on the prisoner as well to seal their chakra.

Suigetsu was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall, lounging. His hands cushioned his head, and he wore a bored expression painted on his face, however it quickly turned into a lazy grin as he saw her come in. “Finally. Some entertainment.” 

Tsunade’s eyes narrowed in annoyance. “You think this will be entertaining?”

He shrugged, unbothered. “Anything’s better than staring at the same four walls for hours on end.”

He continued to sit on the floor, just as relaxed and unperturbed as when she had entered. She stared at him for a moment, and when he still didn’t move, she crossed her arms. “Do you even know who I am?”

He looked at her fully for a few seconds, as if trying to place her, but then shook his head and grinned again. “Well, sorry, but I haven’t exactly been kept up to date on the outside world for the past few years. If I had to guess from your indignant expression, though, I’d say you’re the Hokage.”

She confirmed his guess with a nod, then narrowed her focus to what he’d just revealed about his situation. “I suppose my information about you being one of Orochimaru’s experiments was true, then?”

His grin fell, as his eyes narrowed. “Is that what this is about? Because I know he wasn’t exactly popular around here, so let me put your mind at ease. I wasn’t a follower, and I wasn’t loyal to him. He was an absolute fucking bastard.”

“And Sasuke?” She asked.

His eyes widened a bit at the unexpected question. “What?” He said in surprise and a little bit of what sounded like confusion.

“Are you loyal to Sasuke? From what I’ve heard, he freed you from your imprisonment.”

There was a small pause before Suigetsu said, slightly too flippantly, “I guess.”

“Have you known him long?”

“Long enough.” He looked away again.

“Do you know why he killed Orochimaru?” She tried not to sound too interested in what the answer would be.

“I know he’d been planning it for a while.” She watched as he tried to regain some of his earlier aloofness. “All I can tell you is that it didn’t come as that much of a surprise. I knew Sasuke hated that damn snake from the first time I met him.” 

Tsunade made use of her best Poker face as she tried desperately to keep the shock off her face. _So Sasuke didn’t kill him on a whim_. If what Suigetsu said was to be believed, of course. She pushed the thoughts aside, however, resolving to think about it at a later time.

Tsunade asked Suigetsu a few more questions about himself, for which she got vague and uninterested answers. Satisfied that she had gotten a bare impression of him, she told him that they would be questioning him further at a later date. She knocked at the door to be let out, and made her way to the next cell on the list.

This one housed the man that Kiba had spoken favorably of, Juugo. He was also the man who had Itachi’s body. Two of her personal, most highly trusted anbu were stationed outside his door to ensure that Danzo wouldn’t try anything. She nodded to them as they opened the door.

Unlike Suigetsu, Juugo was sitting with his knees up to his chest, head bowed, with his hands gripped tightly in his hair. 

He didn’t move as she came in; if anything, he became even more tense. When it became clear that he wasn’t going to look at her, she spoke in what she liked to call her ‘Hokage voice’. “Good morning, Juugo. I have some questions for you.” Remembering Suigetsu’s ignorance, she added. “My name is Tsunade Senju. I’m the Hokage.”

He finally looked up, dropping his hands from his hair. Tsunade was immediately caught by his eyes. At first glance they appeared calm, but looking deeper revealed a storm of emotions within the red pools. She saw a faint hunger there, which concerned her due to what Kiba had told her, but what concerned her more was the desperation. He looked to be a man on the edge.

He took a deep, shuddering breath and adjusted his position to be sitting cross legged. She noticed, however, that his knuckles were white from where they were being clenched in his lap. If she had to guess from Kiba’s conversation, he was trying to hold in the ‘curse’ that laid within him. 

“Is Sasuke well?”

Her eyes snapped back up to his, surprised less that he had spoken and more by the tone of his voice. It was soothing and gentle. It held none of the conflict that roared in his eyes; it was calm, despite the slight tremble and obvious concern for his leader. 

She nodded as she took her seat in the chair. “He doesn’t appear to have sustained any permanent damage.” It was the most information she would be willing to give him at this time. He seemed to realize this, as he simply nodded in response. “Now, I’d like to ask you about the nature of your employment under Orochimaru. I’d suggest you be honest.”

He gave a single, solemn nod of his head before speaking. “As I already told Kiba, I wasn’t employed by Orochimaru. I, along with Suigetsu, was an experiment, nothing more.”

She leaned forward. “Ah, but you said you came to him willingly.”

He bowed his head slightly. “Yes.”

“Why?”

Juugo met her eyes again. “Because I couldn’t continue as I had.”

“Explain.”

“I was…” He took a deep breath. “Hurting innocent people. Unintentionally, but that doesn’t matter. I believed Orochimaru could help and that nothing could have been worse than my current situation.”

“And _did_ he help?” She asked, knowing the answer.

A faint, grim smile appeared on his face. “No.”

At his blunt response she allowed a small smile of her own. His answers matched what Kiba had reported. She didn’t sense any dishonesty from him, either. Despite his worn and weary appearance, he still held an honest and warm demeanor. It wasn’t what she would have expected from someone that was handpicked by Sasuke Uchiha. Then again, this wasn’t the only version of Juugo. 

She sat back in her chair. “So how did you come to work for Sasuke? Did you know him before he killed Orochimaru?”

His eyes became softer as he answered her. “No, I met him when he freed me from my physical prison.”

She frowned a little at his wording. “Your _physical_ prison?”

He hummed in response, smiling a little more genuinely. “There is also the mental prison, which is caused by my powers, that Sasuke frees me from every day I’m with him.”

She cocked her head a little in confusion. “Through the sharingan, correct?” He nodded and, although she was curious as to why Sasuke would choose someone with such power only to make a deal where they’d never have to use it, she decided to move on. She had extremely important matters to get to, after all. “Has he let you in on what his goals are, now that Itachi is dead?”

His smile fell. “As far as I can tell, he never had one. Itachi was his sole purpose.”

Tsunade pursed her lips, displeased with the answer, but seeing that Juugo was not trying to be deceitful in his words. Honestly, she knew that it was highly likely that Sasuke truly _didn’t_ have a goal outside of his brother, but she needed to know what he was going to do now. She needed to know if he was a threat to the village. It looked like she was going to have to get that answer from Sasuke himself.

Deciding she had enough of an idea on who Juugo was and that she had gathered all the information she needed from him for the time being, she stood to leave. She paused to take one last look at his disheveled appearance then bid him farewell, for now.

Only one more left. Tsunade walked into the last cell she needed to visit and was met with the surprised eyes of the woman named Karin. Karin _Uzumaki_. Tsunade had seen the report and had logically known that she was an Uzumaki, but it hadn’t truly seemed real until this moment. Her hair was shorter and spikier than Kushina’s, but it was nearly the exact same shade of lovely red. Her heart still hurt for the young couple she had once known, and for their son, whom they had never gotten the chance to love.

The moment passed however, and, when Tsunade met her eyes again, Karin’s expression turned into a glare. It looked as though she had been pacing; she was standing in the middle of her cell, turned towards the wall with one foot forward. She turned to face Tsunade and crossed her arms while coldly saying, “Tsunade Senju.”

It surprised Tsunade slightly after her last two interactions, although it shouldn’t have. “You’re the first of your companions to know who I am. I’ll take that as proof that you were a willing follower of Orochimaru’s, rather than an experiment like the last two.”

Karin stared for a second too long before she huffed and said, “You shouldn’t be surprised that Suigetsu didn’t know who you were. He’s a fucking idiot.”

It wasn’t a denial which meant Tsunade was correct. And it angered her. She hated the mere thought of a member of her Naruto’s clan aligning themselves with Orochimaru. And it angered her further that this woman would talk in such a way about one of her own comrades.

“The way you speak about your ally is _disgraceful_! Then again, I suppose I should have expected it from a willing follower of that conniving, evil snake.” Tsunade said coldly, allowing a small amount of her anger into her voice.

The girl glared harder at her and said, “You seem to really hate him, but I guess he was your former teammate, after all. It makes sense. He not only betrayed your village, but you, personally.” She said the last part with a little smirk that infuriated Tsunade further.

The words were meant to sting, and Tsunade hated that they did. “Shut your mouth, girl! What could you possibly know about loyalty and betrayal? The way you speak proves you don’t care about anybody but yourself! You’ve never been part of a true team, so do not speak as though you know!”

Her words seem to have struck a nerve, as Karin’s intense glare returned and her eyebrow twitched. “What do you think I’m doing _here_ ,” she demanded, “if not for my _loyalty_ to Sasuke? But that obviously doesn’t matter since you despise anyone even associated with Orochimaru. Is Sasuke even alright, or did you already kill him while you had the chance.”

Tsunade glared daggers at the girl for the insinuation that her village would have so little honor. “Sasuke is in the hospital with his _real_ team.”

Karin’s eyes narrowed to slits. “We’re Sasuke’s real team.”

“I disagree. The members of team seven actually care about him.”

“Really? Then why did he leave them?” Karin shot back. 

Tsunade stilled, and the control she was trying regained slipped even more. She almost hissed, “He left the village because he’s a traitorous coward, just like anyone who breaks their vows.”

Karin’s eyes blazed with fury at her remark before she was able to get her emotions under control. After a moment, however, her lips tilted up in a slight smile. “And what does that make you?”

Tsunade’s blood went cold, and she froze. Then, she flatly asked: “What?”

Her small smile was now a full smirk. “You left the village.”

“Except, I didn’t join a terrorist.” She said slowly and forcefully, the anger in her voice barely controlled as it grew steadily stronger.

“But you still left.”

Tsunade’s eyebrow twitched and a small amount of fear bloomed in her chest at the thought of where this was going. She couldn’t stop it, though, because she _had_ left. _But that doesn’t mean it was the same!_ She tried to tell herself. Then more firmly, she thought, _it wasn’t!_

“…I left for personal reasons, but I was never an enemy to the village.” _It WASN’T the same!_

“I know why you left.” Karin’s smirk had abruptly fallen and the words came out sharp. The sudden shift in mood shocked Tsunade, as well as the words that were spoken next. “Your brother and then your fiancé died and their loss destroyed you.” 

_How does she know that?_ Tsunade thought. _Did Orochimaru tell her?_ She didn’t have time to dwell on it, though, nor the pain that shot through her at their mention, as Karin continued.

“You speak so highly but you and Sasuke are more similar than you want to admit. You coped with the death of your family by leaving the village and drowning yourself in booze and gambling, and Sasuke dealt with the death of his by leaving and seeking vengeance!” Her fuming rant was increasing in volume and Tsunade stood in absolute shock that this girl would DARE to make this comparison.

“You are the same.” The words hit Tsunade like a slap across the face. “Sure, you could say that you didn’t become an enemy of the Village, but neither did Sasuke! The only reason Orochimaru left the village alone for three years was because Sasuke took his attention off it! Then Sasuke killed him, Deidara, and Itachi! Three of Konoha’s greatest threats are dead and he never threatened you but you still demonize him! To me the only difference between you and him is that _you_ had a powerful ally, the third Hokage, to cover your desertion, and Sasuke _didn’t_!” She finished, panting and glaring.

Tsunade looked at her with wide eyes. Her whole body was shaking with barely controlled rage at the sheer _audacity_ of this little girl.

“You’ll have to excuse me,” Tsunade whispered, voice shaking with unmasked hatred, “before I kill you.” Without waiting to see what the reaction to her words would be, she banged on the door so hard it dented the metal. The guards let her out and she brushed past them. They asked if she was all right but she could barely hear them. She knew what she must look like, shaking, lips pulled into a firm line, eyes far too wide, but she couldn’t care less.

She strode to the next cell down, turned to her guards, and asked, “Is this cell empty?”

She barely waited for their frightened nod before she pulled back her first and slammed it into the wall. An enraged scream erupted out of her. When she pulled her fist back, panting, the solid steel of the five-inch-thick wall was bent inwards leaving a gaping hole six feet wide.

A few hours later, Tsunade sat in her office, still stewing over the events of the morning. The girl had gotten to her, which angered her but also made her ashamed. She should not have lost control like that. She was the Hokage, and her position demanded that she act with discipline and dignity. She had to be fair and just.

Which meant she couldn’t outright ignore what Karin had said… unfortunately.

Tsunade drank the last sip of the tea Shizune had given her. It was supposed to be calming, but she would have preferred sake. However, she _had_ calmed down a bit (although that was likely due more to the passage of time than the effects of any tea), so she thought about what the girl had said for the hundredth time.

Immediate anger rose in her again, but she firmly pushed it down. The decision on what to do with Sasuke and his accomplices was too important. She needed to consider all pieces of information and viewpoints in order to create an informed plan. She couldn’t ignore things due to something as petty as feelings. She _would_ do her position proud. She owed it to her people, as well as her mentor.

There was also the fact that, even though it made Tsunade deeply ashamed, Karin had been partially correct. Sasuke and her _had_ both left the village, abandoning their oaths. She retained that it hadn’t been the _exact_ same, but…

Tsunade thought about the grief that had driver her away. She thought of her brother’s youthful body laying on the cold table in the morgue, all the energy and determination gone. She thought of Dan’s kind face and the feeling of his blood on her hands as the light left his eyes. Then she thought of the old report she had read shortly after becoming Hokage. She thought of a seven-year-old boy who came home to find streets lined with corpses and his brother standing over his parents’ bodies, suddenly completely alone in the world. She thought of a different report of that same boy, years older, injured and sitting in front of his parents’ grave after finally killing that same brother.

She could almost understand, except that he had joined _Orochimaru_. Then again, if what Karin had said was to be believed, then it was the main thing that had stopped Orochimaru from attacking the village for three years. That was a blessing, especially during the first year when his previous attack had left the village unstable. Plus, the only reason he wasn’t still a threat was because Sasuke had killed him, along with Deidara and Itachi, two other major threats…

Of course, there was also Suigetsu’s claim that Sasuke had never liked Orochimaru and might have been planning to kill him all along. It surprised her and at the same time didn’t. She had assumed that everyone in their little cult worshipped Orochimaru, but she also knew that letting someone take over your body was a big step, even if you _didn’t_ have the Uchiha pride. It also made sense as she, herself, found Orochimaru completely detestable.

 _You didn’t use to_ , a part of her whispered. She smothered it. 

All things considered, she was glad she had gone to talk to Sasuke’s companions. Although she despised Karin, Suigetsu was not completely unlikable and Juugo was surprisingly agreeable. She did not fail to notice their loyalty, and she found herself grudgingly impressed by Sasuke because of it. Their testimonies had given her a lot to think about.

All these thoughts swirled in her head, some for the first time, some for the thousandth, and they slowly came to one truth.

Tsunade still didn’t like Sasuke, she would not excuse his poor decisions, but… he was worth giving a chance. She had made her decision, and a plan was forming in her mind.

Tsunade sighed, turning to Shizune, and said, “Bring me Shikamaru.”

* * *

Shikamaru walked leisurely towards the Hokage’s office and yawned. First, he had been woken up in the middle of the night to look for Sasuke, who had somehow escaped even while having next to no chakra, and now this. He was about to go to lunch with Choji and Ino. What a drag. He could only hope that whatever Tsunade wanted with him wasn’t going to be too much work.

He sighed but kept walking. Eventually, his thoughts drifted away from his interrupted plans and towards Sasuke Uchiha. Naruto had said he would bring him back but, after the Sasuke retrieval mission, Shikamaru didn’t genuinely think that he would succeed. He was shocked when he heard the news; Ino had been ecstatic and had talked about it for three hours before he and Choji made a break for it.

After the initial shock had worn off, though, he found himself increasingly disappointed that he wasn’t on the team that had brought Sasuke back. He had failed the first time, causing Choji, Neji, and Kiba to almost die. This last mission could have been his chance to redeem himself… but he was being irrational; their injuries weren’t just his mistake but also Sasuke’s for leaving in the first place. He had been so consumed with revenge that he had abandoned his comrades and village. A betrayal of that magnitude had been almost inconceivable.

And yet… Shikamaru remembered the burning hatred and the uncontrollable rage that had consumed him after Asuma’s death. He didn’t think he would have gone as far as desertion, that was unforgivable, but… he thought he understood in a small way.

These thoughts churned in his mind as he finally reached the tower and made his way up to the Hokage’s office. He knocked on the door, then opened it when Tsunade said, “Enter.”

“Lady Hokage.” He greeted as he walked in. “You needed me?”

She nodded. “Tell me, what do you think of the situation with Sasuke Uchiha?”

He started at the blunt question, surprised. “Uh, er, well,” He stammered. “Do you mean with what happed last night? I guess I was surprised that, one, Kakashi let him escape and, two, that Sasuke would even try it, but mostly I was annoyed at being woken up.”

She shook her head. “Yes, yes. We all experienced that.” Despite waving away his answer, she had a small smile on her face. “I meant, tell me about your thoughts on Sasuke being back in the village, and on Sasuke himself.”

 _That’s a loaded question_ , Shikamaru thought. Still, he considered before answering. “To be honest, I never knew him very well. He was the best in our class, showed up almost every day, worked hard, and all the girls fawned over him, but he was so quit. He didn’t really talk to anyone, he was constantly glaring at everything and everyone, and just kept to himself mostly. For the most part I thought he was just an asshole who thought he was better than everyone else.” She nodded and opened her mouth to speak, but Shikamaru felt a sudden need to continue. 

“But,” he said reluctantly, surprising Tsunade. “I think I’m beginning to understand him better, and I don’t think it’s as simple as I used to believe. As a kid, I never really thought too hard about what he went through, but a lot of his behavior can probably be attributed to it. That still doesn’t excuse his actions of the past few years, though.”

Tsunade stared at him for a moment then nodded. “I’m actually glad that you feel that way,” She said. “You’re in a unique position. You went to school with Sasuke, making you familiar with him, yet at the same time you harbor no intense feelings for him. You feel neither great loyalty and friendship nor hatred towards him. It means you will be able to think rationally when it comes to him, and, as always, I have complete faith in your logical mind and strategic abilities.”

She paused, as if considering. “I’m going to question Sasuke later today, but I believe I have come to a decision on what to do. It still depends on his answers, of course, but I have a basic plan, and I want you for this mission.”

Shikamaru’s eyes widened slightly as his brain came alive at the possibilities and the implications of what she just said. However, it narrowed in on his earlier dissatisfaction at being unable to redeem himself for that particular mission failure, on Naruto and his unending determination to bring his friend back, and on Hidan and the vengeance he had delivered to the man.

“Of course,” Tsunade was still talking, unaware of Shikamaru’s rapid thoughts. “You don’t have to accept; I won’t force you t-”

“I’m in.” He said firmly, before he could talk himself out of it.

Tsunade stared up at him, surprise written across her face. Then she smiled, “You probably should have waited for me to explain what the mission _was_ first.”

Instant regret flared up in his mind at the sudden and absolute knowledge that this was going to be _such a drag._

* * *

Sasuke was back in his hospital room. Except, now there was an anbu guard stationed outside the door and one on the ground outside, below his window. They had been positioned inside his room when he had walked in, but Naruto had argued with them until they agreed to stand outside. After that, he and Sakura had turned their attention to Sasuke and had not stopped talking since. Sasuke, conversely, had not spoken a single word since his conversation with Kakashi at the graveyard.

He didn’t truly understand why he had told Kakashi as much as he had. All he knew was that he had been realizing exactly what Itachi’s death meant while thinking about Kakashi’s earlier questions, and it just came out. It didn’t matter to him, though. And that was the problem. He couldn’t tell if he had needed to have someone (Kakashi) understand enough to speak, or if he had simply not cared enough to hide his thoughts like he usually did. 

Either way, he had completely depleted his capacity for conversation, as well as any desire to hold one.

Kakashi himself sat in the corner of the room, pretending to read his book. He hadn’t talked much either since returning, but he would look up and stare at Sasuke with a concerned expression every few minutes. Kakashi had asked if there was anything he could get for him, multiple times, but Sasuke had never responded. 

Sasuke did feel different after last night, though. Not better… he didn’t think he would ever feel better, but he thought he was coming to accept that Itachi was dead. The moments where he would think of Itachi and be met with an overwhelming amount of disbelief that he was gone were not as frequent, though they still happened. It was just so hard to believe. Itachi, the strongest Uchiha, his parents’ murderer… his brother. _How could he be gone? How could I have won?_ It didn’t feel real.

He blinked slowly a few times. _Ah, I’m experiencing it again,_ he thought belatedly. Moments like that truly were coming less, but they still happened, as Itachi was almost constantly at the forefront of his mind. Of course, now that he thought about it, he was probably just slowly coming out of shock. He let the thought go, however, so he wouldn’t have to waste the mental energy (of which he seemed to have so little) on something so inconsequential.

Going to the graveyard, being _able_ to go to the graveyard, had solidified what had happened, but he still felt numb, like all the emotions had been purged from his waking mind and locked in a vault that sat like a stone inside his chest. His thoughts weren’t coming as fast as they should be, either. He was present enough today to realize this, as he wasn’t able to last night, but knowing it didn’t help him improve. His thoughts were jumbled and he was having difficulty concentrating on anything for too long. Except, of course, Itachi. He saw his lifeless face staring at him every time he closed his eyes. 

He was still cognizant of everything around him, though. Every time Naruto and Sakura would shift closer, his full attention, or as much as he was currently capable of, would snap towards them, and their constant chatter was playing through his mind even when he did his best to ignore it. Living with Orochimaru for three years, surrounded by people he could not and would not trust, had drilled instincts into his body and mind that persisted even when he was in such a state.

It was a tiring cycle.

His mind would be lost, thoughts on Itachi, until his subconscious mind activated his instincts, and his attention would concentrate on the two for a minute or so before his eyes would unfocus, his head would turn back to his lap, and his mind would involuntarily wander again. Then it would start again. Endless.

The worst part was that he was too empty to feel the fear he should have at not being able to control his mind, or even his focus. His instincts, while still intact, were dulled. His body wasn't fairing any better. He felt completely rung out; the chakra exhaustion was draining and the hours spent sitting in front of a grave did not help matters. His body felt both stiff and limp and he could barely lift his arms. He doubted he could walk. He was vulnerable in both body and mind. Neither was working right. Neither was functioning as it should.

 _It doesn’t matter_ , a part of him whispered. _They did what they needed to. Itachi is dead, you don’t need them anymore._

He felt as though he should ignore that voice, but he couldn't because... it was true. His job was done. What need did he have of his intense focus and strength, anymore? He had done his duty. He could finally rest. It sounded so nice. He was _so_ _tired_. 

Except… every time he closed his eyes, he saw _Itachi’s dead body_. 

Once he would have thought that would be a dream. Why didn’t he now? Shouldn’t he be feeling something? Happiness, joy, relief? Or even anger and sadness? _Why do I just feel numb?_

As he thought this, the door banged open and all eyes in the room snapped to the figure walking through it. Tsunade Senju had not changed at all since the last time Sasuke had seen her. She had the same too youthful face, same confident walk, and same air of authority.

Sasuke thought he should be surprised to find her here but, then again, he should have also been surprised to find _himself_ here. Instead, he idly wondered what she was doing in his hospital room. He didn't have to wait long for the answer before she spoke in a commanding voice, “Naruto. Sakura. Out. I need to speak with Uchiha.” Sasuke’s mind focused a little more and he tensed ever so slightly. The others gave outbursts.

“WHAT! NO, GRANNY! YOU CAN’T MAKE US LEAVE!” Naruto screeched.

Sakura was more respectful but no less desperate. “Ma’am, PLEASE, let us stay!”

Tsunade’s eye were hard, though. She didn’t listen to their incessant pleas and threatened them to leave.

Naruto was always particularly dense, as usual. “HOW COME KAKASHI GETS TO STAY! THAT’S NOT FAIR!”

“Kakashi,” Tsunade said with an air of finality, “Is allowed to stay because he is the only one of you I trust to remain silent and not interfere. I still have half a mind to send him out too, but, after last night, he knows not to try me.” She fixed Kakashi with a pointed glare, and his eye widened before he nodded quickly. “Good,” she said and was finally able to push Naruto and Sakura into the hall. 

Once the door was closed, she turned and walked over to the chair Sakura had vacated before sitting down. “Now,” She began, holding his gaze. “It’s been a while, Sasuke. I didn’t think I’d ever see you back here again.” He didn’t respond, not even to say that it wasn't his choice to come back, but he did notice Kakashi shift in his seat from the corner of his eye. At his silence, she continued. “I have a few questions for you. You will answer them truthfully.” 

She stared at him waiting for confirmation that he understood. He held her eyes, even if he had to forcibly keep his mind from wandering, but remained silent. After a minute of this, she spoke again. “Very well, question one: what is your goal now that your brother is dead?” She demanded.

Sasuke blinked, then blinked again He did not understand the point to this question. He knew he often chose not to share his thoughts. In fact, he considered that almost no one actually knew him. However, he had thought this, at least, was common knowledge. All he had ever strived for was to avenge his family. There was no goal outside of Itachi; there was only his quest to kill him.

Itachi’s lifeless body flashed in front of his eyes.

…Or there used to be.

Sasuke saw the blood around Itachi's mouth that he had coughed up, his bangs falling to the side of his face, his clothes dirty and stained, his eyes loo-

Tsunade’s hand shifted slightly, and Sasuke’s eyes snapped back up to hers, his mind refocusing. He realized his thoughts had strayed from the present and his gaze had drifted to the side. He couldn’t read the her expression at his momentary lapse. “What do you plan to do now?” She tried again.

This question made more sense, but he couldn’t answer it any easier than he had the last one. He didn’t have any plans for what to do with himself now, just like he had told Kakashi. He never actually thought about it, the only thing he remembered committing to doing after he won was visiting his clan’s grave, but he had already done that, so he didn’t think it was relevant.

There was something he was missing in these questions. He knew it, but the haze in his mind hadn’t cleared up enough for him to figure it out. Perhaps he could, if he put true effort into it, but he found he didn’t care to. He was too tired. Perhaps he should rest…

He blinked and saw Itachi’s eyes, somehow warmer in death than they had been when he was alive. Blood trailed down his face like tears, towards his curved mouth-

Tsunade shifted again, and he focused on her, realizing his mind had wandered for the second time this conversation. 

Tsunade looked a little annoyed now, and she glanced over her shoulder at Kakashi, who was staring at Sasuke with a concerned expression.

“Perhaps,” Tsunade said, a small amount of annoyance slipping into her voice. “I should remind you that you are a criminal, who was taken into custody by the Leaf village. I have _chosen_ to give you a chance to prove that I should not imprison you for the rest of your life, so I would _suggest_ talking. I am your only shot at freedom. Or maybe you’d like to know that some members of the council were in favor of your immediate execution.”

Without looking, she raised her hand in a halting gesture just as Kakashi stood up to protest, horror shining in his eye, but he stopped himself at her motion. Still not looking, she snapped her fingers and pointed down. He sat.

“I don’t want that to happen,” she continued. “I’m sure you don’t either, so please answer the questions.”

He cocked his head slightly to the side, considering. Did he want that to happen? He supposed it would be rather inconvenient. Although, if he were executed, would he be able to see them again?

Shisui with that mischievous glint in his eye, Izumi with her infectious laughter, Uncle with his bear hugs, Aunt with her kind eyes, Mother with her loving smile, Father with his proud stance… no… that’s right. The Uchiha were strong and proud. How would he be able to face them if he was executed as a criminal? He didn’t want that, he realized. 

He met Tsunade’s gaze and, with great difficulty, said “Nothing.” He had to force himself to form every syllable. It was not a day for talking.

Kakashi’s face showed relief that he had spoken, but Tsunade’s was slightly confused. “What?” She asked.

Sasuke stared at her, then realized his answer to her first question didn’t track with the conversation. “I don’t have a goal.” Why was it so much effort just to talk?

Understanding came over Tsunade’s face, but she studied his face for a minute before nodding. “Do you consider yourself to be an enemy of the village?”

 _Oh…_ _So that was the point of asking what my goal was._ Sasuke felt as though he should have realized it sooner. His brain truly was acting slowly. 

He thought as best he could about the question. It was difficult to answer because he didn’t see himself as an enemy, but he also didn’t see himself as a friend. Realizing how much energy it would take to say that, however, and not caring enough about getting that point across, he simply said, “No.”

She studied him longer this time before asking her next question. “What kind of missions did you do under Orochimaru?”

He considered this. Thinking back to his time in those caves under the tutelage of the snake. He had spent most of his time training. Some of it had been harsh, but he had wanted to get stronger, so he endured it. He though specifically of the times he had spent building up immunities to different poisons. Orochimaru would always give him just below the lethal dose, and would always increase it the next time they worked with a poison. He was often sick and dysfunctional as the poisons would work through his system. Orochimaru would usually make him fight during those times, saying he should be able to fight under any condition.

He had trained almost constantly for those three years. He did get enough food and rest, thankfully; Orochimaru had wanted his body in top physical shape. However, his training was occasionally interrupted by a mission. During these, he would usually fight criminals. He spared most, any he could. Orochimaru called him soft, but they simply weren’t the ones he wanted to kill.

That honor went to Itachi and, later, Orochimaru himself. Although, his hatred for the snake paled in comparison to his hatred for his brother. No one could compare to Itachi Uchiha’s cold eyes (lifeless on the ground) and his cruel smirk (warm as he said goodbye) and his-

Tsunade cleared her throat, and Sasuke’s mind snapped back to the present. They were both staring at him. Kakashi’s looked even more concerned than before. He couldn’t tell exactly what Tsunade was thinking, but her brow was furrowed and her lips were draw into a thin line.

He remembered her question after a moment, then forced his mouth to move in an answer. “I mostly trained. When I went on missions I fought against criminals.” Those two sentences alone took up a lot of his energy.

Tsunade caught his gaze and stared into his eyes for a long time. He did his best to not let his gaze drift. Finally, she said, “I have other questions, but I believe I will ask you them at a later date.” He felt a vague sense of something he might call relief that was gone before it actually surfaced and left him numb again. “For now, I have made my decision." He noticed Kakashi tense with an anticipation that they both should be feeling. "You are to be allowed to live in the village for one week after you are released from this hospital, during which time you will be under constant supervision by someone of my choice. After a week, if your guard gives you a good report, your status as a Leaf ninja will be restored.”

She silenced Kakashi’s excited “Thank you, Lady Hokage!” with a firm glare.

“At that point,” She went on, “We will begin releasing your companions one at a time, to see how they adjust. The order will be decided as I see fit. If they do well, I will consider making Suigetsu and Juugo Leaf ninja, as well. I have concerns about Karin, however, that need to be addressed before I can consider her too. We will discuss them later.

“However, if your guard does not give a good report, you will be imprisoned and put on trial, along with your companions. Additionally, if you try to leave during your probation, your missing nin status remains and I raise it to a ‘kill on sight’ order. Your companions will also be put on trial immediately, likely to be sentenced to execution or life in prison. Do NOT run.” She paused to study him. Then, looking him in the eye, she asked, “Do you find these terms acceptable?”

Sasuke had followed most of what she said; his tired, foggy mind was still trying to comprehend some of it, but he understood overall. He had already admitted to himself that he did not want to be executed. He though of life in prison, as well, and found it to be more agreeable but just barely. He also thought about what she had said about his team. The team he had only put together to track down Itachi, but had found surprisingly loyal. They would suffer the same fate as him… He supposed that was another reason not to get executed or imprisoned.

He had no great desire to be reinstated as a citizen of the leaf, but he also could not care either way. It didn't matter where he was, so long as he could rest... 

He doubted he would be able to here, but he could not currently muster the will to fight. Not even for his freedom.

Gathering energy to speak he simply said, “Yes.”

“Lady Tsunade,” Kakashi said immediately after. “As Sasuke’s teacher, please allow me the honor of being his guard in the wee-”

“Are you SERIOUS?!” She interrupted him, incredulous. “NO! I think it was proven last night that you cannot handle that job!” What was visible of Kakashi’s face flushed. “Besides, I’ve already chosen the person.” She turned to look at Sasuke again. “Your guard will be Shikamaru Nara.”

The image of a lazy boy with a ponytail flashed through his mind. A memory from another life. 

“Now,” She said, “That will be all.” She stood and walked out of the room without another word, allowing Naruto and Sakura to rush back in and assault him with questions. Kakashi answered them when it was clear he wasn’t going to.

Sasuke let their chatter fade to the back of his brain, as his mind began to drift again. He thought of Shikamaru and the deal he’d just agreed to. He found he couldn’t care who his guard was, but Shikamaru was as good a choice as any. From what Sasuke remembered, he was fairly quit. That was good. Sasuke was so tired, maybe he could rest.

He closed his eyes and saw Itachi’s body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few things about the story:  
> \- This chapter is really important, but I feel bad that this was mainly a lot of Tsunade  
> -Juugo's not doing well, please pray for him  
> -On that note, Sasuke's not doing well, please pray for him  
> -I did a lot of research into different mental disorders (mainly because I'm taking psychology, also because I have one but whatever) so I hope I'm portraying this at all correctly  
> -I hope everyone is in character, but if not, please let me know, keeping in mind that some of these characters (Sasuke) are acting different because I'm exploring a part of their story that lasted two minutes in the anime so... yeah
> 
> As always please let me know what you think, and thank you for reading!


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